July 14 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 7 Courage To Change Alcoholics Anonymous Today's AA daily reflection: "a nourishing ingredient… Humility:" And the humility, to learn the wisdom in what I can do today and what I cannot do today. The serenity prayer is the backstop, the "hold on just for a moment place of security" where there is serenity and acceptance of life on life's terms today…
A good example of life in recovery has been found in what might seem to be a small decision having a big impact on my life. A few years ago a dentist suggested a tooth needed to be extracted. This led to an infection and then a virus developing which caused the onset of type I diabetes… And it took a long time for diabetes to be diagnosed which led to malnutrition for almost a year. And this week: another tooth taken out. Both occasions, reciting the serenity prayer in my head. The first minor operation took almost 2 hours, the second this week, a more difficult extraction took five minutes. There was much more acceptance of the need this week and a long time accepting what happened a few years back… Losing two teeth in 55 years ain't that bad for me today…
Humility has taught me? Or life has taught me that we are all vulnerable to anything and everything as we go along in life. Alive long enough to get other complaints and ailments, and deal with them more in the moment of now. I don't mind dealing with the pain of life in the moment of now on a physical level. The pain in the moment of now, when it is emotional happens right now, rather than walking away and chewing on something in my mind which gets bigger and distorted when I try and solve matters on my own and in my own head. I ask for help, share what is going on and friends and powers greater than me help me resolve everything closer to the emotional experience and in the moment…
I never realised just how helpful it would be to understand how step six and step seven help me on daily basis. Forward in step seven toward courage to change, developing a faith in doing the next right thing and growing confidence in asking for help even when I'm not sure if I need it. And always there can be a back step into step six, where fear, a brave face and ego can make me feel angry and resentful as my situation becomes more difficult in isolated thinking… Step six and step seven, like a seesaw and somewhere there is always balance just for today…
AA Daily Reflections ~ "A nourishing ingredient: 14 July ~ Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity [12 & 12]
How often do I focus on my problems and frustrations? When I am having a “good day” these same problems shrink in importance and my preoccupation with them dwindles. Wouldn’t it be better if I could find a key to unlock the “magic” of my “good days” for use on the woes of my “bad days?” I already have the solution! Instead of trying to run away from my pain and wish my problems away, I can pray for humility! Humility will heal the pain. Humility will take me out of myself. Humility, that strength granted me by that “power greater than myself,” is mine for the asking! Humility will bring balance back into my life. Humility will allow me to accept my humanness joyously."
With humility, no need to cover up anymore. When I don’t know something, I don’t know and try to find out. Progress and not perfect, I may feel awkward often and can say so, and then no need to feel hot under the collar or feel less than those who know it all today…
Feelings and thoughts... Feelings happen in the moment. Feelings, as life can be difficult. Feelings first, then we think our best response. Truth is a key in our actions. To love, be loved and useful always in our action. To thine own self be true, so others may be true today...
July 14 2007
DonInLondon July 14 2007 - Life is but a Dream ‘Day in the Life’
What on Earth to say? Working to normal, when there is no feeling of normal at all. The reminders are with me as I go around the streets of Chelsea. I was with my sister earlier and it feels like we can expect Christopher to bound round a corner, break into an expressive smile and wave. I have to smile, sometimes in the past we knew we were on the same road and we continued as if we had not noticed when we obviously had.
We all have boundaries and ways to be. And sometimes it was just that way, no need to say anything as we went about our business.
Other days a cup of coffee and talk. And the last time I saw Chris before hospital was on June 18 bounding down the Kings road towards home with an enormous bunch of flowers for my sister on her birthday. We shared moments and I can remember emailing my sister that I had seen Chris, and he had been up to doing something good. And Chris and I had shared a few words, about holidays and they being away. From then to now not so long, I never imagined this or even thought it possible.
Time as I mentioned before seems slow then quick and we wonder where it all goes.
I been helping in some small practical ways today. I reckon it’s good to find helpful things to do, even when the most helpful thing is to make myself scarce a lot of the time, and be there as required. It may sound perfunctory, and to an extent it is, in the kindest possible way. It’s just right I feel. And as the days have gone by so quick, there is no sense yet to reality in all this. As if acting out a play without any control. We play parts and do as we do. And still it feels just as it may, some moments good recollections and then an overwhelming sadness seeps in.
There was hope to the last day. And as even the hope faded last Sunday it was hard to find words or just what was the right thing to do. And there is no right or wrong way I realise all over again.
For me, to feel all this head on. And not as in the past with a bracing drink to steady nerves. I have come a long way on this journey to now. Tragedy as always strikes when least anticipated. And we wonder how to deal. I guess we just do.
I am pretty worn by events and will hope for a good sleep. And actually it does not matter right now. I still wake with a start at the moment. Concern and if ever life could be a dream I would wish it so just now.
I was not keen to go to a meeting and my near friend from the fellowship suggested a coffee at Milano’s. We spent a couple of hours talking. He is no stranger to grief, his sister died only a few months ago. A stoic friend in a moment where we could be light hearted as well as serious about sad moments. We sat and watched the “girls” go by. People watching as we all do. And others doing the same. I always qualify the “girls” remark to mean women close to our own age! Just in case you may wonder. Actually two single men sitting in Earls court, reminds me my doctor asked me if I was gay a couple of years ago. She had worked in Earls Court for years and asked because there is a thriving gay community round here. I recall being a bit amused and wondered at my appearance back then. I never imagined being asked that question. So a point of amusement I will share with my friend next time we sit on Earls Court Road. Or as he reads this in the morning!
And I am relieved I had no energy to get to a meeting tonight, in good company we did talk sober stuff in the main. And we always chat about where we are. Our issues are less to with drink and more to do with the various complaints we have, some inherited and some we made possible as we just got older! Older we certainly are and still can be as daft as a brush or two.
Another friend asked where we originated, they from Turkey, my friend from Wales and me from Yorkshire. Our Turkish friend was wondering if our countries were at war, and a quick reply only on the football pitch and then talk of Beckham in America and then to all sorts which had no gravitas at all, good plain chit chat. And so we left it there.
A quick trip to the market to get stores of porridge, one of my main staples and then a quick ride home. These last few days my regime for self-care has been haphazard and not so good. So many issues rising all at once and still I need work out some next steps for me too. I am realising the impact of some of my ailments.
I have to smile though, me and my friend happily sitting on the Earls Court Road, not realising that those walking by were probably thinking what a nice gay couple! If it were true it would not be a bad thing, and as my friend reads this it may make him reflect and laugh. When we hit a certain age and feel ok as we are, any challenge to our identity is not an issue. Thank goodness it is so. In olden days I might have been quite indignant, nowadays I expect nobody cares one way or another. Well, not round here anyway.
One element of these sad days is partly why I am single, is to do with avoidance of pain not unlike my sister, all over again for me. Except for the fact that my partner from way back then, she left and what followed is probably written somewhere else. It is not the same to grieve for one who is lost to this world and another who is still in the world and is close enough inside our minds to understand their actions. More on this another time. It is not a gift I have found to know too much.
Ignorance can be bliss? I have never found it so either. Knowing chills and disturbs as much as not knowing, sensitive we are either way and good we are.
It’s just dusk tonight, usually I am not finished writing for the day. And sometimes it’s gone midnight when I stop. But for today here it stops. Until tomorrow.
Step 7 "Step 7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings" "The way we have come to look at humility is that it is a virtue, one of the principles that AA teaches us to live. The definition we have adopted pictures us as standing naked before God, without pretence nor reservation. It means hiding nothing, being our real selves, both good and bad. A good synonym for humility is honesty." BB Bunch
July Video Reading Step Seven Into Action Link:
Step 7 "Courage To Change" Reading Video Link:
I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.
Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service