Alcoholics Anonymous Blog October 1 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video October 1 2014

 

Video October 1 Video

Video October 1 Video

 

Step ten! "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it" what an order? There are no orders in recovery. October is all about step ten as part of my yearly walk through all of the steps on a monthly basis. And apologies for my absence over recent days and weeks. Even in recovery after ten years, sometimes anyone can hit a brick wall and wonder if we have anything to say.

 

A friend, a psychiatrist once said to me back in 1996, he told me that I had been suffering from an anxiety state, followed by a marked reactive depression, and was indicative of some sort of chemical imbalance. I suppose it is better described as a nervous breakdown and burnout. The denial around this particular state of affairs put me in harm's way, trying to be the man I used to be, and there was no hope of ever being that person again. A nervous breakdown and burnout will do that to anybody. So sometimes when I hit a brick wall, feel a bit out of it, a welcome break from some activities is necessary. Fellowship meetings or Facebook? I didn't feel able to do both, so meetings took a priority over anything I might try do.

 

And of course all the things I do, with regard to family, friends and supporting others is part of who I am. And at the same time when I cannot do something, for whatever reason, the serenity prayer always helps. An end to isolation, that is what Fellowship does if I engage and be part of something far bigger than me. That is the wisdom, the experience strength and hope I receive every single time I go to a meeting. It may not have been the wisdom connected with any problems I might have in that day, but it may be useful to other people I know, or indeed to me at some later date. The most important part of meetings is support, connection and sharing the truth as we see it right now.

 

Lucky me! It was a topic meeting, and I suggested "gratitude, even when life is difficult." And so it was me who shared first this morning. I was still shaking when I started speaking because I had just had what is known as a "hypo" caused by injecting too much insulin without eating my breakfast. So a spoonful of honey was necessary to bring my blood sugars back up to normal or even higher than normal. But the awful feeling of going unconscious was ebbing away. Sharing this, is part of the truth I face when I forget to do something like eat my breakfast first and then take my insulin to treat the type I diabetes condition. And of course sharing about family and the fact that my mother seems to be stable just now, and the medications are helping with her heart condition.

 

So gratitude even when life is difficult, which is really connected to living in the moment, step ten and emotional and spiritual well-being one day at a time. The absolute truth shared back to me and everyone, it was very helpful to know I wasn't the only one in the room with difficult life situations going on. Of course I can't share the specifics, but it really helped me realise just how difficult life is every day for everyone.

 

And in recent weeks I've come into contact with quite a few newcomers, which takes me back to steps 1 to 3 being so important in early days. Even though people are confused and cannot really understand Fellowship on first contact, once they realise that most of us are a friendly bunch, things start to happen and somehow sobriety begins for all our new people. Helping others is a restorative for anyone who is feeling "under the weather, all that life is difficult."

 

Step ten and gratitude, even when life is difficult feels like it is an essential part of everyday living. If I didn't have step ten, and an understanding about gratitude, life would not only be difficult, it would or could become impossible, because my thinking brain would overtake the emotional and spiritual which is the very essence of life itself. So easy to forget how to love, how to be loved back when we are stuck in the daily doings and forgetting that we are human beings first and foremost. And always just for today.

 

Step Ten Reading 12 & 12

Step Ten Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 22 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 22 2014

 

September 22 Video

 

Amends and letting go. Making amends without doing further harm is really important. In my own life, owning up and telling the truth always gave freedom and choice back to everyone involved. And being truthful about my own beliefs and opinions, attitudes and behaviour opens the door to engaging with like-minded people in the right place and at the right time, in the imperfectly perfect moment of now. And the better news is, an understanding and acceptance that often my own beliefs and opinions, attitudes and behaviour may be right for me and wrong for you. And this is a two-way street, sharing beliefs and opinions is not about confrontation most of the time, it is finding common ground and the real truth of now: "emotional and spiritual, where it can only exist in the ever present, present moment."

 

Wrongdoing and bad choices are usually made when people have no understanding or access to doing the right thing and making good choices. It is so simple to write that statement and recognise immediately how difficult it can be for me or anyone to make good choices not only for ourselves, good choices for everyone. And so the importance of step nine is about a personal journey into what anyone can do to follow their path, their emotional and spiritual path based on truth. Just living to truth does not stop people doing bad things, and that is a matter of conscience. Each person develops and experiences life in their own particular way and the steps alone will not make a person honest with themselves, or the rest of humanity, steps offer a way forward to freedom of the spirit in the moment of now.

 

I feel better when I can be myself, have nothing to hide, have no reason to fear anybody for any reason that I might be found out to have done something wrong or just feel inadequate. One of the old hazards covered up by my drinking was the feeling of inadequacy, that I was not good enough in some way. And as a consequence of not feeling good enough, I would work harder and harder, become more and more successful and the more successful, the more isolated I felt. Isolation is not a good way to be as a human being, and any sort of success which isolates rather than celebrates can undermine any person. The good fortune of fellowship and the twelve steps and the twelve traditions is a complete understanding that it is okay to learn, to make the same mistakes as many times as needed and find our esteem through endeavour. Courage faith and confidence to ask for help is a great amends. And even when we don't get an answer when we ask the first time, the answer can be to stop barking up the wrong tree, and find another tree with better fruit.

 

Life is full of automated threats, letters, emails, bills, and worst of all challenges to our way of life which may not appeal to others. Our automatic reaction, or my automatic reaction in the past was probably trepidation and fear, which came out in interactions of anger and irritable and fruitless endeavours to put my point of view to customer service departments wherever they may be. The complete waste of time involved in these processes, derived to create silence still irritate today, only momentarily and then I change what I can about me and my behaviour. If I were a legal person, I would have a lifetime’s work, in recovery it may take only a few minutes, and then I get onto the real business of living, caring about what matters to me and the people I love. Amends to self, avoid hitting my head against brick walls and expecting other people, places and things to change to fall in line with me, because they won't.

 

A couple of meetings over the weekend, one the spiritual experience on a Saturday afternoon, and another being a step meeting for "men only" last night. Both remind me just how much I learn by listening to the experience strength and hope of other people. As usual I can't say who was there, but I can say I was there. And of course I cannot share the particulars of what other people said, because it is confidential. What I learned though, is that I am just an average human being learning how to live life and I am not alone. And the sharing helped me understand the difference in how I live my life today, and how inadequate an ocean of alcohol was in providing any sort of solution of the emotional and spiritual kind. Personal amends to self: learning wisdom every day is far better than isolation and personal destruction. I guess the most important part of this is learning how to cope and be there for other people when needed, and also knowing when I'm not needed.

 

My favourite pastime is being able to get about and photograph London and people living their lives. And getting about is difficult, at the same time I am energised by human beings. Just popping out, I bump into people from Fellowship and this is all part of living in a community of vast diversity. I revel in diversity, and the similarities and the challenges of understanding how we all get on together. I love people. And most of the time I love their behaviour.

 

 

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

 

Alcoholics Anonymous September 18 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 18 2014

 

September 18 Video

September 18 Video

 

Thank you very much for all the best wishes for my mother, who is home and recuperating. And especially for those who commented about their losses and how important it was just to be there in some form or other. Learning about love and cherishing is something which is empowering, deeper emotional connections and understanding nature, humanity and the endless capacities we have to be a part of life. We never know until we get to that point of inclusion and deeper connection through experience of life, just how vulnerable and powerful it is to be human.

 

The endless saga regarding repairs and renovations to my home! The "mice" in my life I guess, which can hide the elephants trampling through my emotional and spiritual well-being. Repairs rendered to my kitchen, the outcome is to progress the options to a complete new kitchen according to the surveyor who attended a couple of days ago. He is thinking about what can be done with the wet room floor, version number five which now has pooling and uneven parts but no longer leaks into my neighbour downstairs. And he has recommended that my carpets are cleaned thoroughly following various wet room floor installations leaving some sort of bitumen on the carpet surface in recent times. I await the outcome. And of course it's getting colder, and the real mice will be back! Because when my abode was rewired, all the mouse proofing came out.

 

So the real elephants for me are the well-being of people I know and love and being there for them. Making sure I keep an eye on the mice, which could get in the way of facing each and every challenge we have in sobriety. Amends to self, no longer finding anger and resentment regarding the quality of work carried out to my abode and rolling with decisions which need to be made by other people. Just because I know the answers and the solutions, it makes no sense these days to offer them when other people have to make their own deliberations. And the quality of their deliberations can only get better through their own personal experience. I don't rule the world, and thankfully in my case, I'm grateful that step one has taught me so much about personal conduct beyond sobriety.

 

How am I feeling today? In myself quite happy, and I am hoping that family are alright. Simply to keep safe, be in contact with friends and go to one or two meetings today. I don't feel lonely, hungry, angry or tired. I feel content. And I also know this is not the case for everyone. Because that is how life is today, sometimes good, sometimes bad and sometimes ugly.

 

It could be Independence Day for Scotland, and who would blame them? The narrative from "career politicians" is self-serving and without real substance. I can hope for unity and at the same time realise that if I were a Scot, I would seriously consider independence worthy of consideration. And people forget that unity of 300 years was forged and built on monarchy. Real democracy has been downgraded by career politicians who put self-interest above unity, fairness and integrity. And political self-interest either side of the border is clouding the issues of self-determination, true democracy and enabling everyone to achieve their personal potential. And this political vote, it is not just for a generation, it is forever. Our political class are fickle, for their own self-importance and driven by personal agendas rather than democratic agendas. Bonkers either way based on the "political arguments", of the self-interested and self-absorbed career politicians. And there are no winners in the future? Who am I to judge, because if I do, I would be wrong?

 

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 16 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video September 16 2014

 

September 16 Video

September 16 Video

 

A very difficult few weeks. My mother has been unwell with time in hospital to work out what's going on with her heart condition. Ventricular fibrillation: not so good and not too treatable for a lady who is eighty-two. Mum is home thankfully with drugs to regulate her heart beat, drugs post breast cancer, drugs for her eyes, and on and on. The good news is my mother has all her mental marbles, and being home with my sister means she can get back to regular patterns. I just spoke to my mum, we had a good chat for about an hour, or just a bit less because her arm was aching from holding the phone. Thank God she is alive and mentally in control of her faculties.

 

 

When we love people, and they cannot be seen every day, and they are unwell, there is always some anxiety and anxiousness in the back of our minds about how they are and what we can do to be helpful. Because I have limitations and am not always able to travel, being helpful is being there at the end of the phone. A certain amount of powerlessness, and difficulty with acceptance of the status quo would lead to more anxiety. The key is always knowing and accepting the can do and cannot do one day at a time. And the other part of being sober today, is that I can be there within a couple of hours if I am needed to help in any way I can. Being there by telephone is part of what I can do, and not cause anxiety like I used to in the past.

 

 

I am very fortunate where I live in the heart of Chelsea, in London England. I fear that I will have to remind myself that I live in England, without the union with Scotland. I do hope that Scotland votes for unity, and yet I can fully understand why they may vote to separate from the United Kingdom. Anyway the reason why its important where I live, there are many people in recovery who I bump into almost daily and Fellowship is strong and vibrant and always on my doorstep, and I my mother and my sister are just a couple of hours away. Without Fellowship handy, it would be easy to become isolated and lonely. So much gratitude for how the dice fell for me. Amends to self, sober today, amends to family sober today and not causing them any worry above the usual we all have for people we love.

 

 

September is amends month in my calendar. Many of the amends needed, to nearest and dearest, to anyone else, is all part of what we try to do without causing further harm. Do no harm can be difficult when we are asked to do things which are erroneous and beyond fellowship and friendship. And just because we used to, we are likely to find danger in doing things to please others when there is no pleasure or any good reason to do them at all. We don't need further resentments building up by pleasing others to our detriment. And it can be a harsh lesson for ourselves, and no lesson for those we let go.

 

 

Amends are not about expecting anything from anyone anywhere, simply we are offering our amends, be they emotional, physical, or material. Emotional, being truthful, surrendering to the truth and our part in all matters. Sharing the truth as we see it and then finding out what the truth is for other people. An ongoing process. Physical amends: maybe to let go and not be about or around those who might be harmed, have been harmed and we need not make it worse by trying to hold on to things which are not ours to have. Material amends and financial amends: without doing further harm, pay back in whatever way we can. Most of all to accept the consequences of our past actions no matter what. And this is part of learning forgiveness for other people and forgiveness by living differently, in an open honest and willing manner.

 

 

"To forgive is divine?" I feel the best we can do is surrendering to the truth of now, where reality exists and we are present, and behaving the best we can is part of the process. And sometimes the best we can be in the moment of now, will reveal our strengths and weaknesses. Strengths in terms of courage faith and confidence being developed as we learn. Defects of fear, pride and ego creating a storm within and our nature whatever it may be in the moment of now. Nobody is perfect, definitely not. So living a sober life, surrendering to the truth that everyone agrees, and being open honest and willing to change makes for a better life. Even if you are behind bars, which some of us are within Fellowship Try prison service, it is very humbling.

 

How am I feeling today? Happy my mum is home, happy that I can chat with her on the phone and try help with those darned crossword clues, happy I am sober, less lingering anxiety and more clarity about what I can and cannot do and fit in with what is going on by being included just one day at a time.

 

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog September 7 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog & Video September 7 2014

 

September 7 Video

September 7 Video

 

Time out! Even I need time out to regroup and look at what is important to me. That's what the steps do for me. The steps are living principles which are timeless based on a philosophy of good living. And when the world seems hell-bent on delivering less than perfect results, even then they can really undermine the imperfectly perfect moment of now.

 

A good friendship went haywire. My mum back in hospital. Finding myself with nothing to say which could improve anything meant that silence was indeed a golden and opportune way to get back on track. I can cope with just about anything, and not need or even feel like drinking alcohol. I'm careful about clinical depression and where it may lead, type I diabetes and being vigilant on a daily basis, and the number one reason why I can cope is because of Fellowship and not drinking one day at a time. And even in Fellowship sometimes, we need find like-minded individuals to help when life is full of difficulties and not much respite.

 

To thine own self be true. A desire to live in an open, honest and willing manner. To experience every moment of life and understand the can do and cannot do and the wisdom to know the difference. I have been forgetful in recent days about saying the serenity prayer when I wake up, mainly because I felt numb and unable to fathom a solution out of broken parts. Some say, if it ain't broke don't fix it, I say, sometimes things have been breaking down for a while and a bit of denial can go a long way to becoming closed down, dishonest and unwilling to face the truth. Fortunately getting back on track is quite easy by going to a few meetings and seeing what happens when we don't face what is going on, and the real truth of now.

 

An acquaintance from thirty years ago, and a former life, invited themselves back into my life, and truthfully I had no intention of going down that memory road. People do mellow over the years and do change, but the acquaintanceship was always based on an unequal relationship of influence and power. I really don't like exerting power or having power exerted over me, and that I suppose was the tipping point of letting go a haywire relationship in the present day. Some things we cannot change, not in other people, but we can change ourselves and what we do as a result. And sometimes what other people do is simply not for us in any shape or form. The only judgement is about what I can do positively without impacting in any way on the doings of others.

 

Even if we see the danger, the fear, the pride and ego that may be erupting in other people, we do not have to follow blindly, and we do not have to accept lies and deceptions which will lead into further disruptive and unhelpful behaviour. In other words, sometimes we do have to let go and be silent, regroup, take a timeout and get on with what is important and how we wish to live our own lives.

 

I have often suggested it is better to have a mini breakdown every day, rather than save it all up for a major breakdown further down the line. A major breakdown can be very disruptive and take quite a while to get over, if we ever do. And yet we still learn something whichever way these things happen. And it's really important not to be too nosy about what else is going on with other people, not to be an ostrich sticking my head in the sand, more to be clear on what I stand for, and get on with what is important to me. This may seem a little bit harsh or even prideful if I were to be intervening or wishing to undermine another person or people who have their own paths to lead.

 

Easy does it? Not blinking likely. I am concerned about my mum, she is in hospital with a heart condition and she is eighty-two. One of the nurses asked whether she would like to be resuscitated if her heart failed, which made her cross and indignant. I have been asked that question before now, about DNR, and I certainly wasn't in my right mind when I gave them a very curt reply. Asking a patient about DNR in the emergency department is not very clever behaviour under any circumstances. Our national health service is sick.

 

In this world… Now that I am sober I recall the program on TV where one person used to say, "I didn't get where I am today by being…" And I didn't get where I am today in my life after a decade of sobriety to be screwed over or screwed up by other people. Which is vital and needs to be based on that darned serenity prayer: "to God or in good conscience, or in my case surrendering to the truth of now; grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Or I might find myself living in a world which is not only difficult, it will be impossible to live with any sort of serenity in the moment of now.

 

And now for the mice which might trip me over and ignore the elephant. The repair to my abode was undertaken recently, and I had to wait a while to work out what I want to do about it. Although the repairs were made with good intent, the overall quality has been somewhat shoddy. You would imagine that replacing a walk-in shower floor which was leaking into the apartment below would be done efficiently. On the third attempt in the last few weeks, after considerable effort by workmen, the floor is uneven and traps water creating puddles. The replacement of the kitchen sink is off true, one end out of line with the other. The mouse proofing has been undone as part of the repair processes, and other waterproofing matters have been done in a way which leaves rough edges and visible cracks. All these things could make a person feel very unhappy. Especially as some of these matters were first reported in 2009 and it's now coming up to 2015. These are mice, not elephants. The elephants are about the emotional and spiritual welfare of me and those I care for, those I love and wish to cherish one day at a time. And thankfully the elephants are being looked after by a set of timeless principles and the fellowship which helps me live to these principles and make the best choices, and be free to live life well, one day at a time.

 

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

Step nine Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 19 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 19 2014

 

August 19 Video

 

Step six defects: trying to control the world. Step seven shortcoming: courage to let go. And in between we can still be trying to rule the world. Even when we think we are letting go, what are we letting go of? And are we sharing what we are doing with other people who may be involved. Saying to another person "I need to let go and I'm going to let go" is meaningless to them unless you explain exactly what you are up to!

 

An expectation that the rest of the world will magically know what we are trying to do, well that will not happen. The magic of letting go is asking for help, negotiating situations, expressing our feelings to other people and asking for feedback. This creates fear, because they may not understand letting go at all, and so our pride and ego will rise up in frustration, and then we try rule the world again. It does not work and only gives us the headache. We have to be explicit and express what is going on inside us first. Or the consequences are stepping back into old behaviour, and then worse, we blame ourselves first, and this opens the door to blaming the rest of the world all over again. A suicidal downward spiral into isolation can follow.

 

I was chatting to somebody outside Fellowship over the weekend, about forgiveness. And around romantic relationships. Romance, lust and attraction are maddening, especially if the other person feels the same way. A quick romp may be good for the ego, but it can lead to all sorts of consequences. I for one have fallen into romantic interludes in the past, some long-lasting and based on love, and far too many based on lust and attraction. It depends what is in our heart, and being very truthful in recovery, and understanding one another rather than making assumptions. Letting go and letting in love, it does happen!

 

Forgiveness: "forgive everybody everything, including ourselves on a daily basis, and if we cannot forgive everybody everything today, drop it until tomorrow and try again." Forgiveness is not forgetting, and forgiveness is simply acknowledging in the heat of the moment things can go wrong and choices may be very very bad. Of course choices could be good, bad and ugly and we need to remind ourselves why. Step two is helpful, stopping the insanity of doing the same old same old and expecting something different to happen. Forgiveness can be as simple as being in the wrong place at the wrong time and what happened. Or it can be as complicated and difficult to work out without asking for help. And even if we ask for help, forgiveness can take quite a while to understand. And every situation is different. And the consequences can be slight or life-threatening depending on the actions under consideration.

 

Trust God clean house. True depending on your beliefs and opinions. Surrendering to the truth, not just my version, I need to check out that the truth I am surrendering to is the truth as others may see it as well. So it's not just my outlook, surrendering to the truth everyone sees, everybody can have an opinion and an outlook which brings out the best option hopefully, if we are not trying to push our agenda against the rest of the world. Surrendering to the truth love and wisdom in the moment of now, the truth as other people see it, from people who may love us, we develop the wisdom of can do and cannot do in the moment, the reality of now. And that is very difficult, just as difficult as life itself. And worth the effort.

 

Emotional and spiritual development always happens in the moment of now. And when we look back of course, we can see better the options we had at the time. And if we put aside old expectations, if we put aside old resentments and anger, if we put aside those expectations gone and not achievable, we let go. We let go of the impossible, the impossible ideas we had which we never shared with anyone, and start sharing the possible ideas with other people one day at a time. We will all get shot down in flames some of the time by other people's reaction to our ideas, beliefs and opinions, and out of this we keep on creating space to make new and better ideas about now and the future. Once we stopped thinking that the world was flat, science and beliefs changed radically. And when somebody invented the light bulb, a lot of candle makers were very cross indeed, until they started selling light bulbs.

 

The heart wants what the heart wants. And this is true. But if the object [ideal person] of our passion desire and lust is firmly against this notion, the sooner we break out of the insanity, the sooner we can focus our hearts on the whole world, letting go and letting in the possibility of new relationships, which may go our way if we are open honest and willing to share the truth within. It will only become unacceptable truth by sharing. And then the merry-go-round can happen again in a different way. Starting with basic honesty about ourselves, and being able to share our absolute truth as much as possible. The hurt we experience is less the sooner we share our truth. From desire, to lingering unfulfilled thoughts and feelings, they become malingering and malignant in the dark of one's own mind. Blaming other people for not being cooperative, is not helpful especially when we do not share our truth. There are not many mind readers on Earth.

 

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 18 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 18 2014

 

 

August 18 Video

 

Making a list of amends and be willing to make them. This is all about keeping our side of the Street clean in the long-term. And at the same time, we need to ask ourselves just how much effort is required to change the beliefs and opinions of other people we might meet in life. Most people are reluctant to change their minds, change their attitudes and behaviour once they have established their own personal views about how to conduct themselves. Other people don't like criticism, even if it is said with love, because they have no concept of love at all! A lot of people simply carry on doing the same old same old through habit. I do hope some have a habit of learning to love.

 

Social media, it gives people a voice and sometimes that voice is contradictory to our own outlook. And that is a good thing. Because nobody has a monopoly on being right. Of course I could be wrong! Ram Dass used to say at the end of his lectures, "of course I could be wrong." And I know absolutely that some of the things which I believe in are completely wrong for other people. And this is a good thing in my opinion, challenge and disagreement need not lead to exile.

 

All feelings are good, some of our feelings are quite disagreeable because we have to confront issues. Best confront the issues in one's own mind first and ask for help, this might ensure some good challenges when life is disagreeable. Expression of feelings is extremely important, letting people know what's going on can be very helpful if it is done in a respectful fashion. Just because other people behave badly we don't have to join in do we?

 

Senior people within local government have completely ignored me in recent times, which in itself is dumb insolence in my opinion. But as a consequence of campaigning to stop my residence causing damage to another resident below, I am hoping that progress is being made to resolve an ongoing problem lasting several years. And they've even fixed, well they may have fixed my gas boiler as well. I hesitate in reporting this, because over the last five years, things have gone wrong after repairs have been completed, duplicated over and over, ignored, not resolved. I'm hopeful.

 

Meetings over the weekend have been very helpful, very informative, and very supportive through experience strength and hope of others and how their lives are today. Some people learning what it is to grieve, some people learning what it is to be careful of dangerous places which lead to dangerous thinking about alcohol. Some people just enjoying the sunshine in between the rain clouds. Most people, reasonably grateful to be sober one day at a time. The biggest amend to self, to stop drinking, and learn what sober living is all about.

 

What is sober living all about? Freedom of course. Freedom to be yourself and freedom to let other people be themselves. Freedom to enjoy family, career and work, new past times now that we have more time to enjoy whatever we choose to do. Many a time in my early recovery, I listened to people who shared that one hour in a meeting out of the day left twenty-three others for whatever we choose to do. It might seem like a nightmare in early recovery, to have all this time on our hands, and yet it doesn't take long to find that there are not enough hours in the day. And one hour a day, where we keep on learning about life and the possibilities is simply worth it, because we are worth it one day at a time.

 

This is a question which often comes up, "do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" Sometimes it is worth letting go being right, because in order to be right, changing the attitudes and behaviour of other people will take a lifetime. And if I need my lifetime to pursue whatever is important to me, sometimes even when I am right, I let it go, because happiness is far more constructive than the "destructive me" and the bitter taste of being right gives no pleasure at all.

 

I do find there are lots of things in recovery which are disagreeable. And I am sure my outlook will continue to be disagreeable to many who are not in Fellowship and who are in Fellowship. And this is good! Be disagreeable if needed, at the same time, agree to disagree because life is too short and why on earth should people agree with me on anything or everything? Nobody ought to give up their beliefs, unless those beliefs are harming themselves and other people? I don't know the answer other than the ones which come one day at a time. And I would not really want to meddle in the affairs of other people. We all have our journey of reality in the moment of now. How else would we learn?

 

 

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 17 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 17 2014

 

 

August 17 Video

 

If we keep on changing our attitudes and behaviour to the good of living, as a consequence the probability is that life will get good, and our old attitudes and behaviour are likely to change. I keep going back to step six and step seven and what it means to me. Step six very often rears up in old attitudes and behaviour, bingeing on the wreckage of the past where everything became a negative and we had a right to be angry. And step seven, simply courage to change, faith in being open honest and willing to learn, and gaining confidence that out of adversity in recovery, there is much good to be found if only we can stop the addiction to our defects of character?

 

If we didn't have Fellowship, if we didn't have twelve steps, if we didn't have meetings, how on earth could we possibly learn the emotional and spiritual path of life? Emotional, our feelings in the moment of now, spiritual by experiencing reality as it is, sometimes overwhelming because we are still learning how to cope with life. Coping with our feelings in the moment of now, rather than going to extremes where frustration and anger can make anyone rage against the world. As if it was the world's fault? Always it is the actions of humans in the moment of now which shapes the nature of our emotional and spiritual journey. Spiritual learning in the moment of now, is good bad and ugly depending on the current conditions today.

 

Stopping self-harm is good and that is what the twelve steps helps us do. Stopping the harm to other people is another matter, because we can still judge the world very harshly, can still gossip, can do irreparable harm emotionally to other people, just because we are angry and resentful at the world, or and this is something many of us do, we still want to shape the world, we want the world to love us and see how good we have become, and pride ego and fear can masquerade under the guise of friendship. Learning to love oneself, is also reflected in how we treat other people. Some people are good, some people bad and some ugly or a mixture of these things given the current conditions today.

 

There is a difference between telling the truth and how we see situations, which does require common sense and judgement, and the other side of this which is about control manipulation and abuse. Telling the truth as you see it or I see it is the first part of getting to understand our own picture of the world. The other side of this is hearing the truth from other people, with whom we are involved. And sometimes we will have to agree to disagree, because that is the most acceptable thing to do. Just because we think we are right and may believe that we have found the answer, it does not mean that our answer to life's problems is going to work for another person. Other people, indeed I hope everyone finds their own personal outlook about how to live life, and experience every element of the emotional and spiritual journey. Defiance and stubbornness, just because that's your opinion, will tend to send you back to isolation, or the start of a cult which is very unhelpful to the rest of the world.

 

Having been to meetings recently, Fellowship prevails because we are able to share our opinions and our beliefs, usually without hindrance, and even if we don't like the outlook some people have, they are part of the teaching and learning we get one day at a time. Very often we might find ourselves sitting in our defects of character in a meeting, feeling explosive and hateful, and we forget to ask ourselves why do we feel this way? Often the answer is that somebody is treading on our toes in some way out in the world and even in a meeting! Step Nazis are hazardous and so is the Islamic state. When people tell me what to do I usually tell them to fuck off and mind their own business in Fellowship and with love. They are perfectly allowed to have their opinion and so am I. A bridge to modern living? Always when we are utilising the twelve steps for self-improvement and not for controlling the rest of the world, especially "Sponsee’s" who need their freedom of expression just like we do.

 

I'm still prone to people pleasing, and I need say no to something, because it is wrong for me. I will do this, I thought I could compromise, but truthfully just don't want to do something which will not improve me on my journey of living.

 

Quite strange really when we go to meetings we haven't been to for a while, we meet friends from quite a few years back. The good news, they are still alive and sober. And most have changed their outlooks and attitudes by living the emotional and spiritual journey with the twelve steps and twelve traditions supporting them in their activities, "in the real world of now." And the spiritual experience seems to be of the educational variety, learning by doing, life being the teacher and we are the students. And then there are those who are few and far between that cling to theory and what is written, rather than putting it into practice. Life needs to be lived in order to understand it and develop the philosophy which works for you as an individual. All the great books of history show just how much humans need to change even on a daily basis to improve the collective philosophy of life. When seduced and stuck in old beliefs, that the earth is flat, that the sun revolves around the world and the moon is made of cheese, these beliefs help no one. Mythology which inspires freedom, it can be quite helpful some of the time. As long as it doesn't get in the way of article 1 and human rights, and the freedom enshrined in constitutions, then human endeavour can go where it may and hopefully to the good of all and not just you or me.

 

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 15 2014

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog Video August 15 2014

The master class of life, allow myself to learn a little bit more about who I am becoming one day at a time. Don't get in the way of other people learning about who they are becoming one day at a time. Trust to the truth, surrender to the truth of now. Every feeling, as they may be is an instrument of understanding. And we all need help understanding when life is unclear and that clarity is as sharp as it need be to make a point. And I am content in the moment of now. And if I have emotional breakdowns today, better to have them, rather than save them for a real rainy day.

 

August 15 Video

 

How am I feeling? Why and what can I do? Always a good start with H A L T. Do I feel hungry, do I feel angry, do I feel lonely and do I feel tired? Probably best way to start the day. It's obvious if we ask these questions, what we need to do. I don't feel hungry, plenty of porridge in me today, I don't feel angry even though repair works are ongoing in my abode, and I suppose I did have a moment of loneliness yesterday, but not today. I do feel tired because this week life has been disrupted by workmen and the fact that I needed to be here when they were here.

 

Education was heavily featured this week in the United Kingdom. Examination results for those wanting to get to university. Back in the day, I could have gone to the London School of Economics, which would have been prestigious. Unfortunately family needs made that possibility go away. But I do remember the excitement and the opportunity which was taken away because of adverse conditions at home. Seeing the brightness of people able to move forward is always good. Oddly enough, before getting my qualifications to go to University, I aspired to being a lorry driver, having a girlfriend, and the hobby of photography. Life took me in all different directions, two successful careers, burnout and breakdown, alcoholism, clinical depression, and in recovery type I diabetes, and a plethora of other conditions. I never went in the wrong direction, I realise now that life is serendipity and there is contentment in the journey these days, rather than the fear of screwing it all up.

 

I was fifty-eight yesterday, and thank you world that I'm still here. And these days life is one day at a time. The gift of being in the moment of now, not trying to control anything, not needing to cover up and resort to pride, ego and fear helps me find serenity on any day. Even when people this week have been drilling and creating noise, dirt and disorientation, life is far better than it's ever been. I don't drink alcohol any more, I don't need to medicate reality and dull my senses. I appreciate knowing my feelings, how my feelings impact on my thinking and the actions which can follow in the moment of now. What a gift! And this makes me smile, to have courage, faith and confidence to surrender to the truth of now.

 

I feel like step eight helped me a great deal, making that list of amends to everyone and being willing to make them. Understanding my human condition all the way to recovery was undermined by my inability to cope with my feelings on a daily basis. From having had a desire to be a lorry driver because I liked it, to having had the opportunity to continue education at universities and business schools which I came to enjoy immensely and two successful careers along the way, not sure I liked them so much, but I was good of them, to now where I belong. I feel better in the moment of now, I don't doubt myself, because if I do doubt myself or what I know, there is no fear in asking for help when I don't know the answers or even the questions most of the time. The journey is best savoured and understood right now.

 

I don't walk away from situations feeling wrong footed most of the time. If I feel wrong footed, I can say so, "I don't feel right right now, can we pause a moment?" This immediately takes the pressure off me for answers, and time to reflect on what might be the right questions with the help of anyone who might be handy and have some wisdom. And wisdom comes by surrendering to the truth of my ignorance, and other people might be in the same boat, and then we can both work on it together.

 

And so to today and step eight: forgive everybody everything, whatever they are up to, it is probably not my business. And when people let us down for whatever reason, those reasons are haunting them and not me. Forgiving is essential, if I can forgive myself for my inadequacies and defects of character, and work on my shortcomings on any given day, that is the best I can do. If I sit in judgement on other people who have let me down for whatever reason, I need to consider what expectations I might have and if they are reasonable. Life is the teacher, I am the student.

 

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

Step Eight Reading 12 And 12

 

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