Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 7 2015 "Freedom”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 7 2015 "Freedom”

 

Video January 7

 

Freedom for me is a state of being, freedom to learn, freedom to be open honest and willing. Who would've thought that rock bottom would be the start of understanding that there would be an opportunity to start over and make sense of life again. Freedom to learn, unfettered? Freedom required a lot of actions by me to let go the notion that I could overcome all life's difficulties on my own and asking for help was key. Learning the difference between humility and futility.

 

I can still remember hiding away and trying to control life. The more I hid and tried to find the solution in isolation, the more obvious it became that all I did was put off that awful day or so I thought, that I needed to stop hurting myself through addiction. Alone, it always seemed like tomorrow would be the right day to stop. And no matter what I did, alone and isolated, there seemed no prospect of an end and indeed life ending and not waking up felt like it would be preferred to whatever struggle I was experiencing. Life was very painful, hiding away, unable to function, emotionally bereft one moment and then completely overwhelmed in desolation. When I stopped denying rock bottom, and realised I needed help, everything changed horribly to the good.

 

Human beings are incredibly resourceful, we are all forces of nature, and yet nurture seems to offer diversions into pleasurable escapades which are truly risky. The more we take risks with our mental health and our physical health and we seem to overcome, the more risky the endeavours, the more the highs the more the lows keep us chasing ever more dangerous territory. Rewards for risk and success, very high and very attractive propositions. Until of course, calamity comes knocking on the door, and then denial of our circumstances, far from being a tool to overcome grief, becomes a tool of destruction. Denial of overwhelming events is a coping mechanism. Denial of addiction is usually a death sentence.

 

Freedom, freedom to learn who I am today. I don't think I have ever met anyone in recovery who has not experienced the opposite of freedom. From having fun and what seemed like mind expanding and life changing experiences to the good, the absolute truth of mind altering substances is a phony and false comprehension of reality. The best mind expanding experiences are based on living in reality, and being a part of what is going on in the moment of now. Coping or not coping, learning how life can become real as we may have imagined, or simply beyond our wildest dreams.

 

Freedom through self-awareness and awareness of our current conditions today will produce far better outcomes than any notion we might develop in isolation. Wisdom is born in isolation and made far more deep and broad in the light of day and through interdependence and collective and collaborative activities. Inspiration and hard work transform our world. Sharing experience, strength and hope enriches our freedoms to take up whatever endeavours interest and fascinate each and every one of us one day at a time.

 

What often gets in the way of our freedoms is the way we judge ourselves and other people. That famous and well-known two word sentence, "judge not," helps everyone immensely to let people develop their own freedom. And in the common and understood language of today, "judge not and jog on," is always helpful on any given day.

 

Step One Reading 12 & 12

Step One Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 6 2015 "Freedom Through Powerlessness”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 6 2015 "Freedom Through Powerlessness”

 

Video January 6

 

Video January 6

 

Am I still trying to pull myself together, put on a brave face and show the world the best I can be? A mixture of questions, these days I don't try and pull myself together, maybe I just try to collect my thoughts and understand my feelings. Do I need to put on a brave face and pretend to the world that I am okay, no is the answer, I can show the world who I am today, whether I am feeling good bad or indifferent. I have freedom just to be me.

 

Freedom through powerlessness? The freedom to make the best choices given the current conditions today. Freedom to make choices without having to have power to make that choice? Being powerless over alcohol, people, places and things, simply means I'm not trying to control anything external to me, to make me feel complete. Freedom to accept that I am a learner, that given the current conditions today, I am able to cope, and if I cannot cope, I may ask for help from anywhere at any time appropriately. I don't always get the help in ways which I might feel are useful immediately or ever, sometimes I am simply barking up the wrong tree. And sometimes what the heart wants is not available or what the heart really needs. Romance! Thank God we never get over it, love is abundant always when we cherish! Acceptance delivers understanding and freedom today and what we can and cannot do.

 

Freedom through powerlessness really is quite difficult to understand if we feel we have entitlements that if we put in the effort into the right endeavours we can meet our expectations and our entitlements will be met. Just because I might have wanted to be a doctor, in the dim dark past, my expectations were far beyond my mental faculties at the time. Being a late bloomer, and with a lifetime of experience, I would make a great doctor, except for the fact that by the time I qualify, I will be in my dotage. I gave up the idea of being a doctor when I was mystified studying biology at school, and much preferred studying biology in real-time before during and after raucous parties and social events back in the day.

 

I need not pretend to be in control of anything, indeed control anything outside myself is subject to negotiation and depends on the current conditions today. In social relationships, we are interdependent, we are able to define ourselves and our role within family and social situations. We don't have to control other people, realising a person has every right, like we do on the planet to be themselves and do what they do makes for an easier life. At work, we all are subject to the rules, systems and procedures and everything else that goes with being in an organisation working a command and control system. We need to fit in and produce the goods and services, and then we get paid for it. If you don't like what you do, the door is open to try new options under the current conditions today. In other words, the world is open to what we can and cannot do, and often we can work this out and make our choices, and when we are uncertain asking for help is a good idea. Self-reliance, it can be wonderful, self-determination is a human right, and yet in my case I gave up that right without realising, and was controlled by addictions to alcohol, romance and finance. Thinking I would be okay when I got to wherever I thought I ought to be. Unfortunately addiction drove me to rock bottom. Powerless I was and certainly not free to make good choices one day at a time.

 

Freedom to make choices for oneself, for those we care for and developing a happy existence does not happen overnight. And sometimes we find ourselves locked into particular ways of life, because we think we ought to have that life. And what we thought we ought to have, to fit in, to be loved and be able to love back was simply a fantasy rather than a reality. Putting the fantasy to one side and coping with reality opens many opportunities, as long as we understand the current conditions today, the possible and the impossible, and take account of our respective responsibilities and living the consequences that we have and can deliver toward on any given day. To thine own self be true, so that others may be true to you. Of course you cannot control or understand sometimes when we can be or have been deceived and misled by others, those are the current conditions which I face on any given day. Forgiveness for our past and our consequences, which need to be met and our responsibilities, means we can forgive others who continue to defy the truth and reality of now.

 

There seem to be big decisions going on around me. I don't know what they are or what the consequences may be. Worrying about them, even when I don't what they are, well it would make me feel very low and despondent trying to find out. So I need to let go what I don't know, and deal with what I do know. Powerless over what other people are up to, and thank goodness I am, because trying to be in control is what caused my addiction and dismay for quite a long while. I like being powerless, not trying to control behaviour in me or others. There are conventions by which we live and principles of conscience which keep me on track. And within these conventions and conscience, every day is a good day for any new beginning or continuance of a good path today.

 

Wisdom is born in silence and then becomes negotiation to find truth in this interdependent world.

 

Step One Reading 12 & 12

Step One Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 4 2015 "Powerless”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 4 2015 "Powerless”

 

Video January 4

 

In the moment of now, I am powerless over the way other people are feeling and thinking. I'm also powerless over alcohol and no longer need to try and control my drinking, because I don't drink alcohol one day at a time. I don't crave a drink, but sometimes there is that elusive desire to control people, places and things. Imposing my will on any situation without consultation will make my life are manageable and the rest of the world will carry on doing what it wants to regardless of me. Unless of course I recall that I need to include myself, wherever I may be and be aware of what is going on. We are all interdependent and if we are inclusive and ask, we are more likely to get on with each other today.

 

Over the last few days, after Christmas and the New Year celebrations, fellowship meetings tend to be more volatile as people celebrate in fellowship without the need to drink. And yet there can be many disruptive influences in family, community and work where celebration may well include other people drinking and sharing in a nostalgic way about our part in matters and how we used to be. A good way in the past for me has been to acknowledge and admit and accept everything I used to be, and also say, "that was then and that was the way I was back then, now, it's a completely different way to live without a drink and I'm happy being this way." Powerless indeed over the memories that I have and other people have of how I used to be. I am a better version these days with the gift of sobriety and acceptance of the past for what it was.

 

When we hear another person's life story, when they share their experience strength and hope, we hear usually just how awful rock bottom was before we surrendered and admitted complete defeat. And the blindingly obvious news in my case was I could not get sober and keep sober on my own. I needed to ask for help. Once I understood that it was okay to ask for help on any given day, vulnerability was not a weakness, it became a strength, because I could ask anyone for help about anything and not worry or feel inferior when I declared I needed help. And today vulnerability is a strength, and when people respond positively and help, that is good. There will be unfortunate times when people see this as a weakness, we don't need those people in our lives and we can let them be as they are and as they say these days, "we can 'jog on' happily."

 

A wonderful fellowship meeting, where we discussed a topic, "what is emotional sobriety?" So many different ways to try and understand and try to think the solution about emotional sobriety. Unfortunately life changes, or rather it is most fortunate that life is changing all the time and if we are able to feel our emotions in the moment of now, where they fit with the current conditions today; that is most likely an answer to “what is emotional sobriety?”

 

Where feelings fit in the moment of now and we are coping, all feelings that are available to any human are most likely valid. Some things we can cope with and feelings fit with our situation. Sometimes we cannot cope and our feelings can be extreme. Asking for help is part of emotional sobriety and learning about how to cope with life without trying to blot it out. If I were to try and share all the things that were said most positively, it would take a lifetime, fortunately one day at a time I can absorb and learn enough to keep me on track today and very happy in this present moment of now. Good news, happy right now, the vulnerability is I cannot control whatever happens next and that is good and gives me excitement about life moment to moment.

 

It's been good these last few days, seeing people I know and see frequently, seeing people I know and see infrequently, and meeting new people just starting out and learning the painful path in early days. I love them all! And what a good start to the year.

 

 

Step One Reading 12 & 12

Step One Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 1 2015 "Powerless”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 1 2015 "Powerless”

 

Video January 1 2015

 

Video January 1 2015

 

Happy New Year! My New Year's resolution? Resolve to live sober just for today is my goal and will continue on a daily basis. I never knew what it would be like to have so many friends in Fellowship and in the world by being sober one day at a time.

 

Every month, I am lucky and fortunate to pray and meditate, take action to be free and have the choices open to me on a daily basis by utilising everything I've learned and being able to experience for more than a decade with a sober heart and a clear head. When I suggest sober heart, I now know more about my emotions and how they work without having to think about how I should be feeling, I just am a human being with feelings based on life right now and in the moment. Peaceful and content is the best description, with a great deal of forgiveness for all the mistakes I have made and will continue to make. Courtesy of the wisdom shared by fellows in fellowship, family, community and society. And this is the integration of how the twelve steps help me be an emotional and spiritual person today. I hope these words are understandable, sometimes life is so confusing I just don't know the answers in the moment of now, and the best news of all is I am able to put in the action of asking for help human to human.

 

January, all about step one, "we admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable." So each month is about step, one step a month as I go through the year. I never ignore the other steps or forget them, the principles enshrined in the steps gives me a freedom beyond my wildest dreams, and into reality where freedom and choice based on the current conditions today, it makes life more enjoyable, being included in whatever way possible and however it emerges. In other words if I don't try control life, life happens and expands far beyond what I might imagine or try to do alone.

 

Powerlessness is a state of being. Accepting that I am powerless over alcohol, and have no desire to control drinking at all means I have the opportunity to be free of everything associated with that addiction. By admitting complete defeat when I finally hit rock bottom years ago, meant I didn't know the answer to my problem. And it was a blinding flash and relief to know I needed help with my malady and disease of alcoholism. Life is taught me and everything we learn in Fellowship enlightens all of us to the cunning and baffling desires which can crop up in recovery and make us feel the need to change our outlook through drink, drugs, people, places and things.

 

I never really understood how easily I was triggered into using anything external to try fix the madness and unhappiness inside me all those years ago. Learning to drink at an early age to celebrate anything, and to grieve everything, took away my ability to cope with reality with a clear and peaceful understanding that I was simply learning life. And especially when life is difficult and heart-breaking, rather than cope with the feelings, I could use anything to try blot out the hurt and loss.

 

These days, with a greater understanding of my emotional and spiritual journey forever incomplete until my last breath, step one was and continues to be at the top of my gratitude list every single day. My daily reflections these days starts with a gentle reminder of step one, "I am powerless over alcohol and if I take a drink or fix myself in some other way in an addictive way, my life is most likely to become unmanageable." And then step two, all about doing the same old same old and expecting something different. And step three reminds me to let go, ask for help and don't imagine for a moment that I can solve my own problems all the time, or actually try solve your problems for you, we all work together hopefully in this necessarily inclusive world. And then all the steps start to make complete sense in time and continue to get broader and deeper in their meaning just in the moment and ongoing together.

 

Other things that cross my mind today, about acceptance generally, if I don't know what is right for me, I cannot possibly know what is right for you, and judging beforehand or before consultation, will lead to conflict most likely on any given day.

 

Expectations and entitlements, based on fear pride and ego, or blind faith without foundation, will lead to frustration and resentments.

 

Another thing which I heard recently when we were reading from one of the texts, the emotional orgies that can go on in our minds when we don't get our way. Being angry or resentful usually comes when we have made decisions without any possibility of achieving them or even knowing the next action to take. Sometimes, the world and our current situation is joyful and awful in the same moment because we have more than one thing going on at one time. There is always more than one thing going on in our lives and if we try nail everything down, you can guarantee someone somewhere is tearing up the nails and ripping our hearts out as we feel hurt by their actions. Coping with the situations, happens as we grow into living in the moment and coping with reality as it is right now. Challenging everyone every day.

 

I feel humble and often overwhelmed by everything shared by human beings on the planet. And trying to make a contribution is why I write about recovery because of all the experience, strength and hope I hear most days and the ability to listen and relate and understand people. This has helped me understand what goes on emotionally for me. It is meditation and prayer in action. Everybody meditates and has the ability to pray, to sort out what we can and cannot do today. The God of my understanding need not be the God of your understanding and I believe that Gandhi helped me resolve and accept that God is love and God is truth which comes from the many in the moment of now. Implicit in this understanding is that I am not God, that God works through people and like all life, the devil can well be in the details. Wisdom comes as we live learning the can do and cannot do today.

 

Step One Reading 12 & 12

Step One Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 31 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 31 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 31

 

Year-end, 2014 has been a remarkable year on a personal level. Sober one day at a time and then the rest of life is possible. Actually sober one day at a time means a great deal more than life is just possible, life remains possible depending on the current conditions today. But the good news is that I cannot change the past, and there have been incidents in the last year which have been exceptionally wonderful personally, and also events which do mean that there has been both joy and sadness on a regular basis. Being sober, at least I can tell the difference between the good events, the bad events and the ugly events and experience them as they are.

 

To thine own self be true, a good friend said how difficult it was going to be to practice this principle because being true to themselves meant that a lot of people would not like their truth. Throughout the years of my life, whenever I have deviated from the truth, first I'm lying to myself, and then I'm lying to everyone else. I can always tell when I've not been truthful to myself and to other people, trying to control people places and things, trying to control feelings and thoughts of others always leads to disagreeable personal conduct. And to be true to myself, I need to practice step ten and gratitude, and check with people around me that I am telling the truth. Denial of truth is very easy when we don't like it, the truth that is.

 

If I don't tell you the truth of how I feel and what I am thinking, I am stunting my emotional and spiritual value and worse taking away your free choices to make free decisions based on the person I am. If I promote myself as something different to the real person, you may never find out who I am, and even worse, I take away your free choices and decision-making to include me in what is going on or to exclude me from what is going on. It's taken years and years to recognise the real me! Actually I am a human being learning my choices day by day, hopefully based on truth about me and the truth you share with me about you.

 

I don't expect anyone else is any better telling the truth than me, and I don't expect that I am any better at telling the truth to you. It's something we all learning all the time. And there needs to be truth, especially in personal relationships that we have with the world and everyone we encounter. If someone tells me that they like me, I don't need to be suspicious, and people don't need to be suspicious when I tell them I like them. Love people, and recognise that we are all learning together how to relate. And when we don't know how to relate, we can share this truthfully and work it out together.

 

Expectations of other people, to relate well with us means we need to be ourselves as best we can or we are leading others on. And if we lead people to believe that we like them and love them, when we are not sure, or we have changed our minds in some way, this is where truth about how we are changing our outlooks is most difficult. Be in a relationship romantically, realise it's a mistake is best done soonest rather than later, or we end up married with children and then, and even then only after we have got married and had children, we might wonder why we did it in the first place. Unfortunately for me, I never got married and I have never had children, or rather fortunately for the female population of the world, by the time I might have been capable, it is too late. I smile writing this, I'm not putting myself down, but it took me a long time to realise the difference between reality and fantasy. Reality is better even if it takes a long time to get there.

 

Taking away the freedom of others to make free choices based on truth, it is a horrible and profoundly unfortunate deception. If we do not learn that truth is based on understandings as we go, and the more truthful we can be living together, the better the options are all round. And it is really okay to share the truth as we go, because the horrible calamity of saving up our profound and unfortunate deceptions often leads to horrible heartbreak. And even when we know the truth, love of another person and a desire to be with them, we cannot make other people be the way or feel the way that we do. And most often if we are learning the truth as we go along, those horrible cliff-hangers of denial and shock and grief are less profound and devastating. Not easy to be human.

 

One of my feelings about the world and everyone in it, "forgive everyone everything every day." And if you are finding it difficult to forgive either yourself for having got yourself into hot water, still keep forgiving yourself and you can forgive others for the same misfortune. Forgiveness is an action which cannot happen just because we say it, and sometimes forgiveness takes a long, long time, because we have spent a long long time doing things which need forgiving to ourselves and other people. One day at a time we can make progress into good solutions, or we can regress or standstill and feel that pain of fear ego and pride causing denial. We do need denial, we do need forgiveness, or we do not learn about love and cherishing. I always recognise that I am still learning how to be human one day at a time, and hope for forgiveness every single day because I do not know the answers to life until I am in that life situation in the moment of now.

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 30 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 30 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 30

 

Fellowship meetings! Listening to the experience strength and hope of other people in the same boat as me, being sober one day at a time, this one day. Listening, so I have identification and can relate. How often do I go to a meeting and miss what is being said? It really does depend on what is going on in my own head and whether or not I can relate and hear the words being said by my fellows.

 

This morning, very cold and bitter out. Quite a big meeting of people in a holiday season where transport is sparse even though it's a working day, most people are still in festive mood. Today was really good, I was hearing the words of many, and not tuning out to think about me! Sharing a message of experience strength and hope, I can always detect just how I am doing, because when I hear others and their story, it means I am tuned into what is going on right now and not into a dream world of escape or a dread world of fear. I really heard a lot about my story and what broke me down today, and it makes me smile, I am no longer angry or upset by what happened to me in the past.

 

And recently a good reminder about not digging into the past, the person who triggered my attention to past events and past romance, reminded me that sometimes the best thing to do, no matter how much a desire might be to be in contact with another, most likely no good would come from interfering in another person's life after all this time. To love under these circumstances is to leave a happy person to their own devices and their new complete life. It really isn't about me, it is about honouring the present and the truth of now.

 

All past experience, the good times, the bad times, the really devastating times. All these times and experience are part of who we are and who we can be today. And sometimes the most obvious thing to do is to examine the can do and cannot do today. And to be very considerate of those we have loved in the past who are no longer in our lives. It's not just my life in sobriety, it is about honouring other people and where they are in their lives now. I appreciate that someone else reminded me of exactly where temptation and sometimes unwanted contact puts others I have known into uncomfortable reminders. Always good to cherish and to love times past and although nostalgia is really good, not so good to be tempted back into stormy waters by natural curiosity.

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 29 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 29 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

 

Video December 29

 

Monday morning and I started the day with a great meeting, seeing people I know and am getting to know better. A great friend sat next to me, we have a few years between us and yet we learn just what it is like to be a newcomer in recovery pretty much every single day. And the gratitude for newcomers is absolutely true. We need every single person from the first moment we encounter them, it is always the many voices in Fellowship from day one to infinity that keeps me sober one day at a time.

 

The venue for the meeting had moved just a short distance from its usual location. And we were quite unprepared, but as luck would have it, people had literature and bits and pieces to keep the meeting on track and sharing about step ten. And everyone, or nearly everyone shared their experience strength and hope, of Christmas and what is happening towards New Year. Step ten, and the spot check inventory, coupled with gratitude for our new outlook one day at a time; we may not always be free and joyful, and at the same time, those painful moments are less painful as we learn all the lessons of life experience in the moment of now.

 

So beautifully shared, by everyone having a go at reading, and I stumbled over some words because I am out of practice speaking aloud over the last week. Brain going a bit too fast to read aloud, I needed to stop take a breath and start again. I am never ashamed when I cannot read out loud, because there is no shame in trying, and there is no shame in stumbling over words which I know so well and yet find it difficult to speak them out. A good lesson in slowing down to speaking pace in the moment of now. I could blame my dyslexia, I tend not to blame anything, simply take a breath and read more slowly from the page to fit the pace at which I speak. Understanding the text is what counts and it is very therapeutic to listen to others reading the words from step ten.

 

I've been cooking this morning, and posted a video of cooking in recovery, and at the same time pondering on step ten. My five-day stew is now in the oven, on a slow cook for a couple of hours. Experimentation in recovery, from cooking to dealing with the hardest problems in life, always brings me to a place of gratitude when I can have gratitude, and even when life is difficult, the serenity prayer: what I can do, and what I cannot do always leads to wisdom if I am open honest and willing to accept reality as it is. And sometimes reality is so difficult, denial is necessary until balance can be restored through time. This Christmas has been good, in contact with family, sometimes daily and also with the good fortune of another in the family in recovery, so it's not only me, one day at a time.

 

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 24 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 24 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 24

 

Early morning meeting where we share on a given topic as suggested by one person. Today the suggestion was powerlessness, and that turned out to be exactly the right topic for the meeting. How to contend with Christmas and the holidays with the help of step one. And what a lot of sharing! Apart from me, because I left it too late! Step one: admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. The step reads as past tense, and yet remains completely relevant in the moment of now.

 

From the beginning, I do believe that these words were true for a person like me, unhappy with reality and unhappy with myself. Powerlessness over anything is probably a good starting point to approach life. When I believe I can control things, the world and reality teaches that I might be in control for a little while, and then reality keeps changing the goalposts with people, places and things which are totally unmanageable and better not managed at all in my world.

 

Listening throughout the meeting, step one reminds me what the difference can be between an understanding of denial and acceptance. Denial of reality, and judging reality badly as unacceptable, and judging my behaviour and outlook as damaged in some way. And acceptance of reality just the way it is, and then finding out how I fit with what is going on by being included and participating and learning to be me in the moment of now. Denial and judgement will keep me detached, acceptance of life on life's terms offered is the possibility to be included and participate equally in whatever is going on.

 

And so many examples were share this morning about what it is to keep on judging the world and our place in it. Judging the world and where we fit is being right or wrong suggests control over what's going on rather than being in it and having a part in events. When I go with the flow, like this morning, and just listen, I get a great insight into what is going on for other people being the same as what is going on for me. Different events and different circumstances causing expectations which truly get in the way of being a participant in the moment of now. Making decisions in the moment of now about what to do next is probably the best it can be for anyone trying to go with the flow and accept life on life's terms.

 

I was a bit worried about going to the early meeting just in case the delivery man came early. The good news with modern technology, I know that the deliveryman is not due until mid-day and an hour afterwards. Now that I know I have the morning free, and having gone to a meeting, gave me time to write these words. I had no clue whether I would write anything this morning, and now I have. If I had tried to push myself into writing something just for the sake of it, it would not happen or be relevant to my current experience today. And being at that meeting this morning and being with people I know, and being with people I have not seen for a long time was an absolute pleasure. Wishing everyone a very happy day today.

 

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 23 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 23 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 23

 

A great share this morning in a meeting. Inspiring and this helped a lot of people start their Tuesday morning, with experience, strength and hope. Even though this time of year can cause a great deal of turmoil, sticking close to people who are like-minded over the holidays feels like the best solution one day at a time.

 

It can be very difficult to cope with numerous difficulties. And even though I have my issues, many more face even more difficult challenges. For one reason or another, many people perished this year and the stark reality that anyone of us can be afflicted at any time in our lives, brings home the importance to me of living in the moment as much as possible. I am very grateful that the 24-hour suggestion helps to keep me in the moment and not worrying about the possibilities which might cut me short. I'm not immune to fear, and at the same time as anyone else, I do feel the more we are in the moment, we can cherish every experience for what it is.

 

Step ten helps immensely to keep my side of the Street clean, simply because it stops the build up of unwanted feelings linked to pride, ego and fear. And the balance comes in gratitude, gratitude to have experienced another day. I feel deeply when there is upset for others and unfortunate certainty that their ailments are terminal. If you had asked me ten years ago about the preferences I would have for the future, I don't feel that I would have been able to cope with what happened to me over the years. There were times before recovery that I never wanted to wake up, and these days I wake up with gratitude rather than the horror of that past existence. When we hear hard news from our friends about their situation, all I can do is ask them to let me know what I may do and share what's going on and if I can help in any way. There is a revolution in medicine which will help many, but not soon enough.

 

I mention something about denial and acceptance this morning. My denial before recovery, it kept me looking at the world and judging it badly, because even though there have been romance and finance all through my life to the good, addiction made possible the most abject fear of living. On the road to acceptance, I stopped judging and got back into participating and simply loving people for who they are, very human, human beings experiencing life in the moment and when denial comes, sometimes we can help each other even in the most difficult circumstances.

 

Hearing a newcomer share and then more newcomers, and what they do and how quickly some become involved in Fellowship because they want to, that inclusion and participation can be very very helpful. I hear the answers to my situation today from many people new to the notion that total abstinence is the solution. And I am humbled very often by their wisdom of life, because most people have great wisdom on the road to recovery.

 

This time of year, step ten and gratitude help me towards courage, faith and confidence. Step eleven helps me focus and gain perspective to find and surrender to the truth of now, I'm still learning every single day about how to love people and sometimes more difficult to deal with is when people express their love of me. Wisdom comes moment to moment, not on my own, in the company of the many who share their truth, their love and their wisdom in the moment of now. Gratitude indeed just for today.

 

 

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 21 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 21 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 21

 

The kind of love that has no price-tag on it. Very appropriate reminder for me in the first paragraph in the twelve and twelve, twelfth step. Without conditions, that is love. Without regard to personal gain. People are often overwhelmed by generosity, and those who give without conditions are often overwhelmed when it happens to them.

 

A simple hello, a handshake, taking account of another person's presence, and being present in the moment will make all the difference. Sometimes we can get bogged down and worry about what is the right thing to do. And in those agonising moments of trying to work out what is right, that moment has passed completely. Kindness and a loving outlook comes with time and confidence. There will be many a cold shoulder in life, worry not, we are not everybody's cup of tea.

 

When we are uncertain how to help another human being, we really don't need to work it out, why not ask them what we can do and then see if we can or not in the moment of now. And very often, the simple answer is that we are not the right person in that moment, somebody else is the right person and if they are about, why not ask them to help instead?

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 19 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

Alcoholics Anonymous Blog December 19 2014 "Freedom To Choose”

 

Video December 19

 

Wild winds in the night, rain and I dressed appropriately in my waterproofs to get to a meeting. And then the rain stopped and I could have gone smart casual. Sharing a message of experience strength and hope, in my waterproofs, made me smile. Somebody else shared that it doesn't matter what we look like, and I smiled inside because it doesn't matter what we look like, it's okay just to be the way we are today.

 

Somebody sitting next to me asked me how I was, he's a good man and my quirky reply made him laugh, after a bit of thought I said, "I am morbidly happy." And I do get a chance to share my morbidly happy situation. Morbidly, as a result of a doctors appointment and filling in questionnaires, which most people would evaluate me as being almost suicidal. Happily I am not suicidal, I am just dealing with life on life's terms. Maybe the questionnaire needs to be adjusted for people in recovery like me, who can be morbidly happy.

 

What is so important to me in sharing a message of experience, strength and hope is that I am open, honest and willing to do so. In the past before recovery, I would control what I shared about me, and that was always to my detriment because I would not get the feedback from other people so I might develop a more rounded outlook on life.

 

It is so easy to fall back into bad habits of trying to control myself and what I share. If I don't share honestly, honestly the feedback I get is probably useless. What on earth would people think if I told them the truth? That was always a question in my own mind back in the day, what do people think of me? Well the truth back in the day, it would have been limited generally and only a few people might see through the mask I wore, I would say I was fine, and most of the time I was far from fine, I was hurting inside.

 

These days it's easier to be truthful, no matter what people might make of me in my truthful state, it gives them the opportunity to tell me the truth about me. And sometimes the truth hurts, simply because I haven't heard it before until now. It hurts less and less as time goes by, not because I dismiss the truth, I embrace the truth as shared by other people. Because most of us are experiencing life in similar ways, in similar situations. And then again, even though we are experiencing similar events, the way we cope can be completely different and very valuable to know so that we can grow and learn new ways to live.

 

I feel good, even though morbidly happy might seem to be at opposite ends of feelings, the way life is, means from moment to moment, conflicting feelings and conflicting emotions can happen almost simultaneously. Which is why we can laugh and cry almost in the same moment of now. I'm not morbid right now, and for the last few hours since the meeting, I feel happy.

 

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

Step Twelve Reading 12 & 12

 

Alcoholics Anonymous Videos, AA is for Alcoholics, AA 12 Steps, Addiction And Recovery, DonInLondon, Don Oddy,