Alcoholics Anonymous Blog January 7 2015 "Freedom”
Freedom for me is a state of being, freedom to learn, freedom to be open honest and willing. Who would've thought that rock bottom would be the start of understanding that there would be an opportunity to start over and make sense of life again. Freedom to learn, unfettered? Freedom required a lot of actions by me to let go the notion that I could overcome all life's difficulties on my own and asking for help was key. Learning the difference between humility and futility.
I can still remember hiding away and trying to control life. The more I hid and tried to find the solution in isolation, the more obvious it became that all I did was put off that awful day or so I thought, that I needed to stop hurting myself through addiction. Alone, it always seemed like tomorrow would be the right day to stop. And no matter what I did, alone and isolated, there seemed no prospect of an end and indeed life ending and not waking up felt like it would be preferred to whatever struggle I was experiencing. Life was very painful, hiding away, unable to function, emotionally bereft one moment and then completely overwhelmed in desolation. When I stopped denying rock bottom, and realised I needed help, everything changed horribly to the good.
Human beings are incredibly resourceful, we are all forces of nature, and yet nurture seems to offer diversions into pleasurable escapades which are truly risky. The more we take risks with our mental health and our physical health and we seem to overcome, the more risky the endeavours, the more the highs the more the lows keep us chasing ever more dangerous territory. Rewards for risk and success, very high and very attractive propositions. Until of course, calamity comes knocking on the door, and then denial of our circumstances, far from being a tool to overcome grief, becomes a tool of destruction. Denial of overwhelming events is a coping mechanism. Denial of addiction is usually a death sentence.
Freedom, freedom to learn who I am today. I don't think I have ever met anyone in recovery who has not experienced the opposite of freedom. From having fun and what seemed like mind expanding and life changing experiences to the good, the absolute truth of mind altering substances is a phony and false comprehension of reality. The best mind expanding experiences are based on living in reality, and being a part of what is going on in the moment of now. Coping or not coping, learning how life can become real as we may have imagined, or simply beyond our wildest dreams.
Freedom through self-awareness and awareness of our current conditions today will produce far better outcomes than any notion we might develop in isolation. Wisdom is born in isolation and made far more deep and broad in the light of day and through interdependence and collective and collaborative activities. Inspiration and hard work transform our world. Sharing experience, strength and hope enriches our freedoms to take up whatever endeavours interest and fascinate each and every one of us one day at a time.
What often gets in the way of our freedoms is the way we judge ourselves and other people. That famous and well-known two word sentence, "judge not," helps everyone immensely to let people develop their own freedom. And in the common and understood language of today, "judge not and jog on," is always helpful on any given day.
Step One Reading 12 & 12
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