Friday, 30 November 2012

November 30 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous

November 30 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "attraction is the main force in fellowship: open honest and willing, telling the truth, sharing experience, strength and hope. Attraction: what you see is what you get, WYSIWYG." What if AA were to promote itself by exposing famous personalities in order to get the attention of the still suffering alcoholic? And what if they were to slip? Actually, these are very different questions, and at the same time, the answers can be based on fear. Truth is spiritual, coping with reality is spiritual. Lying is spiritual, and not coping with reality is spiritual. Either way, learning how to cope or not cope in certain situations is the very stuff of life and sharing about both is the truth…

Video For Today:

Enlightenment And Endarkenment

How often do we actually take time to understand how the twelve steps are working and how the twelve traditions are working in our lives? Step eleven for me helps me on a personal basis to be more self-aware, understand humility and what I might be able to pray and meditate about today. Self-awareness, prayer and meditation are all about who we are, what we believe in and what we may do today. Tradition eleven, being myself and sharing the truth, sharing experience, strength and hope feels right. At the same time, I have no right ever to speak on behalf of fellowship in my opinion. Every single person has a voice, and I would not wish to speak for anyone else. A fellowship based on emotional and spiritual principles, and freedom of the individual to live a purposeful life helps everybody find a personal code of ethics and responsibilities. There is a bit of good in the worst of people, and a bit of bad in the best of people. There is good and bad in me, I'm a human being and have learned and will always learn, day by day: How the emotional and spiritual principles keep me safe one day at a time…

Quite rightly, the founders of the fellowship realised you cannot legislate and make people conform to a set of rules, laws or regulations which stop spiritual development. We learn by our mistakes and our triumphs one day at a time. We have bleeding deacons in fellowship, nay Sayers and big book exponents laying down their "belief and opinion." As if belief and opinion is truth! Truth is always in the moment of now and is progressive. What was true about fellowship back in the day, and what is true about fellowship today is based on the life experiences of its fellows. Informed truth, the foundation of living in the moment. The truth of now? A learning experience where we learn to cope, and learn how to ask for help when we cannot cope...

A Prime Minister agrees to accept the findings of a public enquiry on freedom of the press and any recommendations it might make as long as they are not "bonkers recommendations." And the public enquiry makes recommendations which are not bonkers. And at the same time having now read the findings of the enquiry, the Prime Minister finds the recommendations unacceptable. Number one, the Prime Minister has reneged on his public statements, number two, the main players and offenders and lawbreakers are up in arms that their freedom of speech need be monitored by statute, and of breaking the code of practice, fines and legal proceedings would follow. Politicians, ignoring the findings, the press demanding their rights. And the people hurt by illegal activities of lawbreakers, forgotten. Enshrined in all the arguments is freedom of expression to share the truth. Politicians and the press are exponents of the selective truth. And here we have it in a nutshell, selective truth, ignoring the victims and the excesses of those in the media who flout truth on a daily basis… The argument remains self-regulation versus legal regulation. I advocate a system of self-regulation, and at the same time if people are defamed or hurt and become victims and the law of the land has been broken, they should have access to legal help to put the record straight and lawbreakers face consequences... Mind you, I would write that would I not? Truth and wisdom are always learned as we go along in life, and we are responsible for the consequences of our actions…

How am I feeling this morning? Emotionally and spiritually. I feel okay in the moment of now. No fears bugging me, nothing outrageous bothering me particularly and acceptance of life on life’s terms in the moment of now. My physical pain is half what it was yesterday, and I can walk a little bit better this morning. I feel let down and disappointed when I look out at the media and what politicians say and do. Self-interest serves no one. And no one seems to be serving the public interest, and freedom of expression as we do in fellowship. Enlightenment means we can also see the endarkenment of others. I'm reminded of step one, two and three, I am powerless over a lot of things and life can get unmanageable if I think I do have power over others. It would be madness to go backwards and try live life like I used to, and expect something different to happen. Let go and let good people come to the fore and find their causes and don't undermine them. Step ten and spot-check inventory, am I being truthful, how am I feeling and why and what to do to help the situation overall, rather than serve any personal self-interest which serves no one but me. A little bit of prayer, meditation, improving and helping me understand my responsibilities today: to be as well as I can be, to have purpose and endeavours and be a part of life, an active participant in the moment and one day at a time. And help people if they ask, and ask if they need help… It is a way of life. Practising these principles in all our affairs keeps me on track just for today… To err is human, and so is forgiveness when God works through people…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

There is no “why me?” in recovery, it is more a case of “why not me?” The same for any killer ailment or disease if we realise the truth is “why not me?” we can stop blaming ourselves or anyone or even god. It is in our nature, genes and providence and we can seek help. Fear and self-loathing can keep us sick, faith and asking for help can open up possibilities, never about guarantees or certainties today…

“Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A.” What you see is what you get “WYSIWYG.” Humility offers the opportunity to learn about life every day with the key principles; to be open, honest and willing. I can ask for help from anyone anywhere at any time. When I ask those who can help do, those who cannot don’t, and I learn the wisdom and know the difference just for a day…

At any time in recovery, we will fail at some endeavour and need try and try again. I would never judge anyone trying to follow the path of others in sobriety. A killer disease which gnaws at our emotional, physical and spiritual core, without respite ends life so often. The clarity to thoroughly follow the path takes time. It takes a fellowship to keep me sober, just as it takes a village to raise a child…

November 30 2010: Fellowship: the work of the many, sharing experience strength and hope daily which makes sobriety possible. And meetings; what you see is what you get on the day. We are all making progress daily. Today, a snapshot can be good or bad depending on what disturbs us. Always real, always progress not perfection...

November 30 2010: Anonymity for sanctuary to find sobriety and truth. In the rooms we do not hide our success or failure or if we slip back. AA works for me because sobriety is one day at a time. We cannot guarantee anything; life is difficult, sober however we are able to live, to love, be loved and useful one day at a time...

AA Daily Reflections: "PROTECTION FOR ALL" At the personal level, anonymity provides protection for all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers. At the level of press, radio, TV, and films, anonymity stresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain. “UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY,” p. 5

Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A. The miracle of continuous sobriety of alcoholics within A.A. confirms this fact every day. It would be harmful if the Fellowship promoted itself by publicizing, through the media of radio and TV, the sobriety of well-known public personalities who became members of A.A. If these personalities happened to have slips, outsiders would think our movement is not strong and they might question the veracity of the miracle of the century. Alcoholics Anonymous is not anonymous, but its members should be."


November 30 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Twelve Steps Not Two Steps

Out And About

I need to be on the move, exercise my body, exercise my head. Emotional and Physical.

And The Third Exercise - Spiritual

I am fairly convinced these days if we are physically as good as we can be, and emotionally receptive, then our spiritual progress is somehow possible on a daily basis.

Spiritual Progress is not Linear

We humans go back and forth around spiritual, we have our beliefs, our faith and our courage. Indeed my fellowship of AA helps me see what sort of progress I can achieve each day.

No Guarantees - for us in a spiritual way

Of course we need every experience a human can have to understand spiritual. And its pretty easy really as experience comes our way as we live, and there are no rules to growth.

Growth Spiritual is not Nirvana Not the Elysium Fields

It is every hard knock on our being, every loving moment, every natural part of physical and emotional experience.

Truth - Absolute

As we move along in living, as we seek truth or truth plainly seeks us out, or as life offers, gives, takes away and generally happens, truth with least filters and denials helps us keep our spiritual contact of now.

Ever Present in the Present Moment

Our focus on now, this one moment in time never to repeat, as we move along we get wisdom and often confusion too as we make sense of our living. As we imagine the past, as we consider the future so often we forget this present moment.

“If I can get through this tight bit of life, if I can just endure and endeavour a bit longer” So often teased and persuaded to be gratified later, and not in the now. Heaven is no place to end up and wonder why we missed the purpose of living!

If we can describe a purpose to living, maybe its happiness, joy, sad reflections, our denials, our imagination, our beliefs, if we can look back? What can we say about our impact in this world?


Nature and our world teaches, and we elaborate develop and make our living as we can. Sometimes we can see great rewards spiritually in understanding the place we are now. Impacted and made so by experience.

Love and Hate

We love and don’t hate. We hate and don’t love. We learn where balance is struck and can apply. Somewhere in the middle? Not so as my experience has led me this way and that. I cannot live in hate and keep my spiritual progress. I cannot understand love without hate and every gradient and hue in between.

Courage, faith and confidence help us understand our path in life. Fear, brave facing and ego can make us poorer students when we forget all our complete nature of all manner of attributes in our emotions.

Designed for Fear, Designed for Faith

Spiritual learning comes from both these extremes and somewhere in between as we humans can move from one outlook to the other in the blink of an eye.

Love Hate - Faith Fear - Courage Brave - Esteem Ego

All part of the spiritual of now, our minds can turn this way and that as we live life. If we live it we grow with it. If we deny it, filter it, then life is less than we may find.

Endeavour Today

Let Life happen, be courageous in our fears, be confident when our ego is rising, be courageous when bravery requires, be confident and know where ego’s drift.

Be human and let humanity rise above denials and filters each day presents. Find truth as truth is, not bent by human touch. A tall order? I think so, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly we progress on this journey of life, a day at a time.

30th November 2006

One day at a time?

Can we keep going one day at a time, sometimes it collapses to just by the hour. In truth my week so far has been like the Curate’s egg, good in parts. Sometimes we need to make a list of the good things we do and how we are doing…

Tonight though’ it seems like I failed to help and take account of where someone is and what they are about. There was no time, there was no opportunity, there was no way to help. That feels pretty awful. I want to deny I could not help, that the situation could be better, but I don’t know what I may do. When someone feels so low, its as bad can be and when there seems no way out there is always self-destruction. I know the person feeling this way is not alone, but they are so low I don’t know if their friend will be enough. I am powerless as things are and don’t quite know what to do but wait. Wait for what though, news of bad news, news of no news, news things are better. I have no way to help or intervene. I resolve I must wait, there is nothing more to do. I also know those who feel so low, they can ask for help from me and their friends so I am not alone in this feeling of being powerless or being empowered to help. There is also implied a threat to hurt and harm, which I cannot undo from where I am.

As far as the week is concerned, I have been left feeling somewhat side-lined and made less than just normal size, an adjunct to someone in their living. And this feels very unhelpful too. And there have been one or two using y time to help themselves and take more than I want to give, one way connections drain and do not sustain, especially when there is no listening to what I may say or how I am. Its ok to some extent and then I realise its just always going to be like this.

Right Size

In my own world I am right sized, just ordinary like anyone else. Like anyone else merely human and can do just human things. I can be compassionate, passionate, surviving just about getting by and then some happiness turns up unexpected with some better understanding of human doings. That we all are doing our best, and sometimes the best thing we do is wait a while. Maybe that is the next best thing.

To bide ones time? Resist the pen and tongue and wait a while..

Biding one’s time is not easy, to not write, to not call, to not do anything, because nothing will ever make the difference, and that is powerful learning about powerlessness over people, places and things. Yet the inside me, I still feel there must be something I am missing. Like a dog with a bone, chewing and guarding my feelings and my notions, wondering if, and realise its not happening as nature may intend. Certainly I realise now I cannot expect nature and providence to fix something which cannot be fixed. People are where they are, they are meant to get there and get out of whatever it may be, sometimes with support and sometimes by their own devices.


Was a great meeting and it was a real catalyst to understanding the party which is over and the party just beginning. My new party, in sobriety, its not so smooth, it has bigger bumps, it can be joyful and it can be sad. Its just tonight though’, I wish sometimes for silence rather than talk, and where it may lead. Leading nowhere no doubt. I have reasons to be happy, I am one day along on my path, resolved to find some occupation and live with what I may do, and what I am not able to do. Incapacity, it somehow seems a bit stretchy and bit elastic, as one thing or other may pack up, another sense or capacity comes to the fore.

Newcomers to our fellowship

That bewildered and frightening moment of walking into a fellowship meeting where we see and hear what alcoholics are doing with their lives. The fear churns as much as any rattles and shakes we may have. We feel sick, we feel horrid and there because we are worried or have been pushed through the doors to these mad people who seem to profess they are getting their sanity back just one day at a time. Its as bad can be, that first meeting where we see normal people doing normal things like talk about where they were, where they are now and where they may go tonight and tomorrow. The fear is palpable as we sit with mad people made sane just one day at a time.

I felt the panic

I did, I felt their panic as they sat there and listened and laughed at ghastly recollections and horrid drunken tales, our experiences. And as they felt the ease with which we talk of our monumental screw ups, they seem to relax a little and only fear they may have, to try drink their tea without spilling it!

I felt their movement to relax a little as it seemed anything they may have done, its been done before by someone else. That their experiences so fresh are no different to ours. That it’s a safe place to share cock ups and dismay and sadness as much as hope for sober days and happier times without a drink.

Without a drink

My God its clocking up, the days for me. I am learning to live my life all over again with new tools and new outlooks and new ways to make life work. I have fellowship in abundance all around me and I go as I may and get there on the bike because walking just plain hurts too much…

A little help from my friends

And with a little help from my friends it works just for a day. Like some kind of magic, I keep faith and stay sober, knowing no amount of drink will ever be enough to make me drunk enough, and one drink will never quell a thirst once alerted. One drink is one too many for me these days. I am not tempted, for I know there is no point. And quite certain it will kill my quest to live again, free and unhindered rather than fettered to a substance, thing or being.

My fellowship are there for me

And tonight I know this without doubt, some meetings just make me feel like I belong at last. Is it any wonder I go daily? I just know what it’s about these days, helping each other, no pay expected, no conditions set, just plain there to help as best one can. Maybe this is why I feel so concerned tonight because I cannot help as I might wish. Someone has a well so deep I don’t know how to help them from where I am. And I know its not me who can. Its really their friend who may if they can open up, talk and let out the troubles. And I don’t know what their real situations is either. I have to wait, or make things worse than they are I can only speculate.

So in a week

From happy as a sand boy in some respects, to sadness and feeling used by some not so strong in their ways. And a supporter and relied upon in other ways not so noble, as the premise of the help is really a come on and help me and maybe this might lead somewhere. Some guile and manipulation, just plain old using, seems transparent to me, future and distant possibilities leaving the door open in their eyes to more. I see the truth even if they don’t themselves. There is no door or future as nature and providence don’t play to this tune.

Isolation and Panic

People do get scared and panic. They fear the lonely slog of days to come, where self-reliance and nothing but their resolve and endeavour can make it work. And some endeavours are not helped by fellowship when we need learn new ways and rules of living. We need to have fellowship to sustain the endeavour, we cannot do the endeavour for another…

And that fear that cripples can creep in and freeze and torture as we make our way. It was never worldly endeavour that made for fear in me, it was the horrors of loneliness and abject isolation which made for my dark desolate nightmares that spread into days weeks and months. And then to years as my final ruination came about. Ruined in every element that counts for us. And of course that rock bottom was merely a taste of things to come.

How am I feeling right now

Now I have written it, I will read it through. Old times and nightmares gone, some new ones around, at the same time its always this way. And yet there is joy about too, as glimpses come to new and better times.

Keeping our heads above water

Sometimes when we feel we are drowning in sorrow, something absurd and comforting happens. For me tonight it was sharing my truth which led to understanding of others that I am just like them, broken and rebuilding just with care and one day at a time. From hell to today, the difference is remarkable.

Along the way I learn humanity and feel the seep to good for myself and others. Courage and fortitude. I feel the human touch and love from my fellows tonight, for sharing simple truth and no denials, no ego there today and none tonight, just human and right sized with human capacity to live and help as I may. I am humbled by friendship I never understood till now. Now I know: I know the difference…

I wish it were so for so many more… those journeys yet to start and those almost done as time takes its toll on we humans so frail with strengths so deep. A clutter of spiritual dichotomies, living in the ever present, present moment of now!

Rest and hold to truth, for the truth will set us free.

November 30th 2005

Men Of Peace

If we are asked we are all men and women of peace. We fight against injustice, we argue against prejudice. Even we are as prejudiced as those we might accuse. Somewhere, somehow bias slips into our belief and faith, so we believe our cause is just and right. After all, in our own eyes we seek the best we can for our community and ourselves. An Englishman abroad, a man of peace travels to Iraq to be peaceful. And he finds he is captured and held hostage. And he is there before the world, an old man of peace, someone of strong views, someone who cares with passion about peace. And he is lost, worse he is seen as a spy, as someone who is an asset to trade in the madness of Iraq. The media and news splash the image of this man of peace across the world, for all to see. And this man of peace may wonder why he is held hostage, why his personal mission has gone so badly wrong and why he has misjudged the personal risk of his crusade.

Common sense would suggest it is not in his interest, yet we may commend him for his bravery. At best his attempt may seem naive, yet we are still uncertain what his mission might have been. Being an Englishman, I see typically English behaviour at work in this catastrophe. Typically we fight causes we might do well to understand before we proceed and dig deep into our conscience before we interfere further where we have no business. There is something in us, which makes us believe we might do better, might make good and might make a difference. We might do better to let well alone, another country we do not understand and are badly equipped to deal with. Like a missionary embarking on a crusade, the outcomes most often end in calamity and smack of Empire, Imperialism and an attitude of mind best humbled in reflection. As a journey begun as a quest, a mission of right over wrong, we fail to understand the elements we might face. Bravery is never the issue, intent is for the common good, but the action is not ours and we have most likely no business being involved as we may believe. And other men of peace pay as hard a price, when better able and equipped, to know the rightness of their case, their belief and commitment to the fundamentals of human rights.

And we applaud them, revere them and stand in awe of them. And we knew as we heard them, their rightness and their fortitude would cost them the ultimate price of life itself. Our modern day heroes, stand tall in our minds, our feelings quite in keeping to revere and admire, their struggle, their dedication and their stand for all men. And as we see some stand tall in our minds eye, we may forget for every man who ever found a voice, that thousands and millions paid an equal and terrible cost.. When we hear of one man held hostage to war, we might do well to remember a whole nation is

held to ransom as in Iraq. Hostages to fortune and misdeeds for centuries, will not be put to rights in a handful of years. As we might question the sanity of one man, for his bravado and rightness of cause, we may do well to reflect that governments are no better and might question their own sanity and rightness of action. To put right wrongs of decades is surely the folly of right over wrong...

November 30th 2004

Seeing Friends

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. And they have so many different ways of looking at the world. I realise more that as times goes by, the company I keep helps me see the world with different eyes. As seen by me, and seen by them, ever present are the subtle changes in outlook.

Often my world as I see it, its limited until, with exasperation sometimes, a whole new view opens and enables me to comprehend everything in a new light.

I realise the eyes I have are decades old, seeing so much and filtering the world to my view. So happily as I listen and see events from fresh perspectives I get enrichment beyond my wildest dreams. So broadened , outlook shifts and moves, we break the taint of prejudice and greet diversity with respect.

And so very Zen in times like these,

" the usefulness of any vessel, is in its emptiness " Now I get it! Again and again....


Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...


AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve


“The method of prayer & meditation. We often hear it said in meetings that the speaker "hits his knees every morning." Not being brought up Catholic or Muslim, we envisioned that slapping of the knees might be spiritually significant in A.A. When we discovered that the act of prayer was being referred to, we asked why A.A. tells us to get on our knees to pray. We were informed that A.A. makes no such suggestion. In fact, reference to praying on the knees, in the original draft of Step 7, was explicitly removed to prevent the misconception that such a practice was suggested. Moreover, to be on one’s knees as a prior condition to prayer will prevent prayer at many opportunities during the day. If you or your sponsor think that you should be on your knees for correct prayer, then by all means do so. It might just be the best way to pray. For the content of prayer, see Step 11b that follows.” BB Bunch

November 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory

Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Eleven Reading Video Link:

Step Eleven Reading

November 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:

November 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :

November 2012 | Playlist All About Step Eleven:

Step Eleven Video Playlist

I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.


Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service


About Psychosis And Depression:

Psychosis And Depression

Thursday, 29 November 2012

November 29 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous

November 29 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 11 Daily Meditation Alcoholics Anonymous Today's Daily Reflections: "we are all active examples of recovery, when we are good, when we are bad, and when we are ugly…" Nobody is perfect! And every person on the planet is making progress in one way or another, learning as we go. An emotional and spiritual fellowship: helps us to be able to experience our feelings in the moment of now, without the hangover from the past. And we are active guardians of the fellowship living and working in unity, service and recovery. Active guardians and active examples of recovery working one day at a time. Sometimes we are very good, sometimes we can be very bad and sometimes plain old ugly comes out to play in the moment of now…

Video For Today:

Reality Preferred To Fantasy

It feels very relevant today that in the United Kingdom, a report on press excesses and media poking about in the business of other people is a big issue. At the level of press, radio and films, media in the UK is likely to dig around in the business of any public figure or anyone in the public eye for whatever reason. Some people might say that the gutter press are looking for stories from the gutter, or hidden truths not revealed, for fear of being found out. If a person has a mental illness, or an allergy, or addiction which is covered up and seemed to be in the public interest, there can be a feeding frenzy on the secrets being revealed. Being in recovery is a virtue in my own opinion, it is just another fact of life, only made incredible if it is revealed as a secret I have been keeping to myself for whatever reason. If I keep a secret about me, which impacts on other people, the other people are likely to feel betrayed. Always a personal choice what we reveal to other people, just be aware how other people react to the secrets revealed by others on our behalf…

Living to the truth of who I am inside and outside fellowship, it is a constant endeavour. Learning the truth and living the truth is life long as a principle. If I am living to the truth, I hope I am learning as I go. I need humility to keep on learning and the serenity prayer keeps on showing me and reminding me of what I can and cannot do. Truth is part of my emotional and spiritual foundation, how to love and how to be loved back is also part of my emotional and spiritual foundation. Wisdom through experience, what I can do, the potential I have and what I cannot do, my limits as a human being and the wisdom growing one day at a time. If people know the whole truth of me, they have more of an idea about my potential and what I might be able to do. If people only know part of the truth about me, and I keep something back and secret, there will always be suspicion about what I cannot do, and actually if I am unclear and evasive, there are plenty of people who won't bother to find out how I might fit in one day at a time…

The twelve steps, helping me be open, honest and willing to learn one day at a time. The twelve traditions, helping me be able to live in unity, service and recovery. Practising these principles in all my affairs keeps me humble. I don't hide the truth, I find out where I fit on a daily basis. If people don't like or are prejudiced towards alcoholics in recovery, I would rather not pretend to fit in with them or their outlook of prejudice against me. I would rather expose their prejudice sooner rather than later, by being shunned or excluded by them. I often say love people hate their behaviour, and the worst thing is to undervalue myself as a human being by joining in the prejudice of others have about anything. Self-prejudice perpetuates prejudice. Humility and self-esteem, learning life daily and being confident to learn, is virtuous. Secrecy, shame and guilt and anything else which goes with hiding away just perpetuates prejudice and myths about human beings. I do not need to undermine myself today. And I am grateful to be an alcoholic in recovery…

How am I feeling today, why and what can I do? Emotionally and spiritually in the moment of now I feel okay. Physically, I am at my pain threshold, due to 2 slipped discs and a trapped nerve I cannot walk beyond a few steps, which is irritating because I want to get to a doctor’s appointment and will not be able to get there, and I will have to ask for advice on what to do. Incapacities, and not even being able to get to the medical appointment! It will only be irritating to me if I do not explain what is going on to the medical centre who might be able to help me. I can cope by being patient and not trying to do something I cannot do today. I need accept the truth and work with it in the moment…

I can be the best I can just for today. On the other hand, I would like to pretend I am as strong as an ox, as healthy as I was in the past, that I do not have type I diabetes, courtesy of my age. That clinical depression is an illness I do not have. I would like to be attractive and available and good partner material, with a profile women or a least one woman might adore. And not require a little blue pill in order to perform in the bedroom department. I might like to be able to burn the candle at both ends like I used to, party all night and work hard all day… I'd rather not live a fantasy, and I'd rather not pretend I am something I am not. Thankfully, emotionally and spiritually, I can feel life as it is and cope with the moment of now. I know how to love, and I am learning how to be loved back, and there are a whole load of useful things I can do today. And even with chronic pain, I can be happy in the imperfectly perfect moment of now…

DonInLondon 2005-2011

Tenacious and not a quitter, see things through, I would fall in love, do everything to make a relationship work. And with work whatever hours to get the job done. I would do anything to make anything possible. A can do man. Now I am a can do, cannot do man, learning the wisdom to know the difference one day at a time…

Self-seeking and denial, stubbornness and defiance are not so good for me today. These characteristics made me successful for many a year with the wrong people, in the wrong places and with things which have no value in recovery. Letting go and seeing the truth, how to love and be loved back with the right people in the right places at the right time, makes living in the moment imperfectly perfect. And humility to keep learning is tough and so rewarding just for today…

Prayer and meditation alert me to my part in life. It is never going to help me know your part in matters and tell you. I can change me, my attitudes and behaviour. My feelings and mood will always tell me why I think the way I do. Angry, I will blame you, hurt I may blame myself, balanced I will have no need of blame. Whatever my feelings, if I know what they are I can see solutions rather than problems today…

November 29 2010 ~ Unity, service and recovery! My favourite past times involve greeting and making the tea, difficult in recent times. From turning up to doing the chores we all do what we can. They may be called commitments or chores, I always feel better for having done something like useful in my case silence may be key...

November 29 2010 ~ Active guardians of the principles: to be open, honest and willing to live sober today and in fellowship: practice unity, service and recovery. We do what we are able to do, and share experience, strength and hope as we may. Truth is my spiritual compass, not my opinion, the truth as it is with love and wisdom today...

AA Daily Reflections ~ "ACTIVE GUARDIANS” NOVEMBER 29 To us, however, it represents far more than a sound public relations policy. It is more than a denial of self-seeking. This Tradition is a constant and practical reminder that personal ambition has no place in A.A. In it, each member becomes an active guardian of our Fellowship. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 183

The basic concept of humility is expressed in the Eleventh Tradition: it allows me to participate completely in the program in such a simple, yet profound manner; it fulfils my need to be an integral part of a significant whole. Humility brings me closer to the actual spirit of togetherness and oneness, without which I could not stay sober. In remembering that every member is an example of sobriety, each one living the Eleventh Tradition, I am able to experience freedom because each one of us is anonymous."


November 29 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day in the Life’ Running On Empty

Low Energy

From Yesterday:

“Detachment [Thought For The Day] Modified by me, to inclusive sharing

We need power to remain free from the influence of others if this is desirable. Detachment is this power. If we can't stay detached from influences, we will not be able to keep our thoughts under control. From there it will be a downward spiral until all trace of inner well-being is lost. The first step in detachment is to understand who we are as a spiritual entity. This allows us to 'detach' ourselves from our physical identity, and it's world of limited thoughts and feelings, and 'attach' instead to our spiritual personality, the being of inner peace and power. A normal day will be filled with challenges to this detachment. On the one side will be our spiritual awareness, on the other will be the attraction towards human beings and the material world. Detachment is not a question of becoming separate from the latter, but of simply remaining conscious of ourselves as a spiritual beings and being in the world and playing our part. Detachment simply means to keep ourselves centred in our spirituality.”

Inclusive sharing, is a way to share as a peer group may, on equal terms and me the same size as anyone. I am not here to teach or lecture just share my thoughts and those of others which seem relevant today.

And yesterday!


An explosive outburst from me which on reflection might have been somewhat abusive about Rehab.


Mentioned several times yesterday in one of my meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a reminder to self, I speak for me and not AA, there are no spokespersons for the AA fellowship, AA being anonymous.

Rehab and Broken

Already broken again by life, rehab was my last ditch attempt to get help, almost beyond the last chance saloon as drinking was killing me and I could not stop on my own.

Broken literally, and physically and spiritually. And then in rehab to be broken more? Or just plain tortured by the way it was run to break people even further until nothing was left. Odd to feel so angry and enraged?

A regime to help people follow a twelve step programme, indeed it is a wonder anyone got through those last months in my rehab from hell. That rehab is closed now, their methods I am sad to know still prevail elsewhere.


Break a person down, we need build them up, if this is the aim? I still have no clue to the regime and torments inflicted as daily torments led to me discharging myself after three months. I drank on my rage and ended up on the streets. So rehab was not my key to sobriety, AA was and is the Key for me,

So with all that return to unpleasant memories and a relief that my health is still manageable for now, I was tired out.

And of course sharing about progress and not perfect is and remains my central message these last few months. To feel that anger out again in the gaze of others, it was not really cathartic, it just made for me expressing my outlook and experiences of wounding times rather than mending times.

Patience and as a friend wrote to me earlier, doing the next right thing, often slowly and deliberately is paramount for me today.

Burn Out

I know in some areas of endeavour burn is a feature and the experiences we hold inside which provide for more torture are clearly unhelpful.


An angry and abusive outburst by me left me saddened and also reminded me that I see in others what bothers me about my insides.

I was indelicate and most likely wrong yesterday sharing my thoughts about recovery and where do these elements of us come from in our history. Progress is not perfect and I am far from perfect in all departments of living. Glad this is so or life would have no meaning.

Forever Imperfect Perfect

This is me and long may it be so, and in fellowship just this one day will do to have a go at living and experiencing all life may be..

29th November 2006

Primary Purpose

What is our primary purpose? Do we have any idea? Actually somewhere in living life we often forget we might have a primary purpose. And indeed it seems to me we can be so bogged down with so much going on we forget it completely.

Somewhere in the dim dark of my memories it feels like I heard the message in a song. And the song was “all you need is love.” Not so hard as a primary purpose.

And quite like the needs and wants we all get smothered by, needs being essentials and wants being more than basic needs, we get bamboozled and fogged up with all sorts of things we think we want, forgetting our need to feel in love with living.

If we truly only need love, then why is it we make it so hard and so complicated? Actually we are probably suffering from technology overload and every form of bum steer we can invent to make life worth living. We forget from infancy we are driven by our need for love. We can be fascinated by a full life, and without love it has some austere feel to it we cannot put our finger on. Its loneliness.


I was, as has been the case for some days, quite fed up and uncertain what to do. Why I feel this way is really quite simple, I had lost touch with foundations of me and what I am about. And truly it is about love. Not needing it and not wanting it are not the issue. Its just love as it is and simply I had lost touch with this vital element of living. We need love, yes we do. All we need is love and in a world of billions why is it we can feel alone and unloved.

I feel it has to do with what is going on in our hearts. What we really need is opportunity to love and be loved. And society has got so cock eyed and love has been built to be more than just what it is. Love is the simplest of emotions and the most complicated to express and also receive with an open heart.

So what makes we want to write about love tonight?

I go to fellowship meetings as if they are part of my living these days. I go to my fellowship meetings every day if this is possible, and the number of days going, to the odd one I don’t, well there is always a difference in how I feel and how I behave when I miss them.

When I don’t go to meetings, I feel alone and left with feelings which can really make me feel unhappy. That in some way expression of them is lost, that expression of them may be unwelcome, that in some way expression of love can be met with repulsion. Repulsion and repulsive. These feelings are ignited somewhere from pain and hurt felt over the years.

We can be completely repulsive to some people while others will love us for what and who we are, just another human being, just another average Joe, and of course just about able to get from one day to the next, with feeling, rather than suppression of feelings.

Love and honesty

They sort of go hand in hand like not loving and dishonesty. Yet it seems to be when we express love, and share it, we always run this risk of repulsion and rebuttal. As if in some way our love, or is it something we feel is love, is to be rejected as our love is really unwanted and not wanted, where we may wish it most.

Seems wishes and fantasies play big parts on where love may end up, repulsive and unwanted. And at the same time we might offer more of it as if that will work. And actually the more we may love, the more we are unwelcome, for its not being received or due, or even dare I say it recognised as love.

Love and dishonesty

Seems also we might offer our love and be dishonest in it too. For we may want something for our love, that there is some payment involved, or some favour bestowed because of it. We are given love because we have some facet we are able to give and make good for someone. Seems there is plenty of love around for materialistic, as well as other securities on offer. Yet this is not love. Its just security from hardship and not secure anything, but a bargaining we might do well without.

Love is all we need

And certainly we need to start with ourselves. We need find our right size and value in just being able to love a bit of living just one day long.

How do I get to love?

I go and find out every day how to love and be loved, from my fellowship. A bunch of what might be described as extreme individuals on a path back to ordinary. The ordinary of living life just one day at a time and with sober heads. We have been bashed and beaten by our own self-loathing and unfulfilled outlook. And we learned to love ourselves as best we could to avoid pain and hurt. And our journey into sober living, its as much a way to learn to love reality and our part in it. The reality of being present to feel anything and everything as it occurs.

Being present

Being present means we do learn to be involved, open to love and be loved. And actually we do, we learn that we might be loved, and we might be hated. That we are here to feel is pretty darn amazing. For we have trodden the path of self-destruction with no love for man nor beast, just obsession and oblivion.

Ever present

And as we get sober and be ever present in our living, we see a big change in our outlook to love and be loved. Remember though we are reality seekers and part of reality is to see love and see no love, that we see all elements of living just as they are. Not easy as our path is torture in early days, only maybe getting better as we learn to accept and know we can make as many cock ups and failures in sober life as we do in obsessions. The truth of reality is its just like everyone else, sometimes good and sometimes just plain awful. We know the difference and learn how to get more to the good and less to the horrid. It is just the way it is, and we need be learners all over a day at a time.

When I went out tonight

Even though I had no real idea where I was going until I got on the bike, I headed to Chelsea. And not to the nearest meeting. I went out of my way. The reason, a longer ride on the bike, because I need exercise. I need exercise but walking just hurts. So riding the bike is part of my primary purpose to keep active, even when walking hurts and I cannot get far.

Enlightenment comes where it will without planning and without contrivance I might make. Whatever guide I have in my head which suggested I head for Chelsea did me a power of good. My good conscience was part of it as I needed exercise and keep my system active, even when I cannot walk any distance, the bike provides opportunity, and this is a bicycle I need to power myself. Weird but true I can cycle even when I cannot walk.


This one was special it felt cold and was distinctly chilly, but within moments of hearing the share and the share back from the fellows there, I was definitely in the right place to get the right message.

And the message was easy, and the suggestions heartfelt and just plain common sense. And the spiritual message was keep living reality with a sober head and we can feel present in this ever present, present moment of now.

Now how hard is that to express. As hard as it is to live a lifetime realising we don’t get life at all, because we can only really get life from living it with a clear mind and clear support and fellowship from people who care enough to turn up and share their experience strength and hope. So easy, we are so challenged by the morass of life and life wanting, that we forget the simplicity of living at all. That love for ourselves and our fellows is always there when we connect to it, rather than milk it and squeeze it out of others we encounter. Its just give and take, sometimes one way, sometimes both ways. And we need not dally when things are not right. We simply need to move on and find our balance again. As life offers and we can recognise.

Along the way we experience every human quality we might consider vices and virtues, they are merely all elements of love and hate. Love and hate go together as if we can ever realise one without the other.

Testaments to good or bad

We hear them as often as we meet, its our challenge to make what we learn and wisdom gained from ,living reality and not dreams we might conjure to fill the gap of life. Emptiness gives room for learning, we might reflect on this as we next fill up with nonsense we pick up as we go and diverts us from our purpose, simply to live life as it offers.

November 29th 2005

A Challenge To Democracy

"Democracy in its ideal sense is the notion that "the people" should have the right to rule themselves. This ideal is pursued by implementing a system of voting such that the majority of people rule, either directly or indirectly through elected representatives." Democracies may be "liberal," where fundamental rights of individuals in the minority are protected by law, or they may be "illiberal" where they are not." We in the western democracies are forever challenging our own democracy and challenging others who are on their way to democracy. We forget how long it took us to extend democracy to more and more people who live within our geographical boundaries. And we sometimes forget how fragile, how new and how difficult it is to maintain democratic process, especially if things do not go our way. We would be foolish if we thought we could develop democracy faster than we do in our own back yard. And we would be very foolish to believe we can graft democracy on to another political and cultural system which has no basis in democracy. At least we would consider it foolhardy to go try change say, China or Russia, who are in turmoil currently and certainly big enough to repel foolish people who might try to interfere, us. What are we doing these days, when we continue to believe we have the one and only answer, that we must not only share it, but worse, impose it on others? The are many systems of living we might take in account, especially those systems we have within our families and those within our 'faiths'. There is no exclusivity of right, surely we have learned this lesson over and over through history. When we 'put down' others way of life, we might be better engaged in living our own lives and improving our own lot. When we judge others and view them with prejudice, we might reflect on why we form prejudice.

We live in a world which evolves as fast as it can to ever changing political and economic systems. We hold to our democracies because we value them.

I would argue we are best deployed making our democracies safe and working toward them being more inclusive and robust. I would suggest we are best able to influence other world systems through legitimised bodies, for example the United Nations. When we are unhappy with our influence, we need to find the means to strengthen our influence through democratic process. We need to ensure we deploy our best resources and agencies of democratic change to make good our beliefs, values and principles. We continue our democratic process with countries big enough and bad enough to give us a bloody nose. And now we have found we can be equally hurt by others less militarily potent, through terror and terrorism. Terrorists are born out of belief, values and principles, just as strong as our own democratic process. And the world has learned no matter what size opponent is these days, they will be heard one way or another.

Surely we must find the means to inclusive and democratic process, to develop and acknowledge the rights of all world citizens. And only when we have reached a view, which has included all interested parties, a multinational view, might we then consider a military outcome of last resort? After all, that is the basis for the United Nations, made better with use than ignoring its process. And with our current terror threat from within, we in democracies must be robust in our vigilance, be fair in our practice, inclusive in our due process and mature in our outlook.

Two thousand years of prejudice in the Middle East surely sets an example of how easily we can become imperilled in life threatening conflict. And a conflict over what? Beyond faith our world turns on resources. Our most able resource is mankind itself. Best we settle our differences and make best use our resources.

November 29th 2004


the more I develop the habit of noticing goodness, the more my own sense of wellbeing rises.

Keep a weather eye to goodness, its always there, the right thing, the glimmer of hope. Even when invisible to us, it shines on, and on, lest we forget, darkness will pass


Just For Today And Every Day, Cherish Always...


AA Official Online Site: Daily Reflections

AA Official Online Site: Big Book And Twelve And Twelve


“The method of prayer & meditation. We often hear it said in meetings that the speaker "hits his knees every morning." Not being brought up Catholic or Muslim, we envisioned that slapping of the knees might be spiritually significant in A.A. When we discovered that the act of prayer was being referred to, we asked why A.A. tells us to get on our knees to pray. We were informed that A.A. makes no such suggestion. In fact, reference to praying on the knees, in the original draft of Step 7, was explicitly removed to prevent the misconception that such a practice was suggested. Moreover, to be on one’s knees as a prior condition to prayer will prevent prayer at many opportunities during the day. If you or your sponsor think that you should be on your knees for correct prayer, then by all means do so. It might just be the best way to pray. For the content of prayer, see Step 11b that follows.” BB Bunch

November 2012 | AA 12 Steps In Action | Step 10 The Now Inventory

Alcoholics Anonymous | Step Eleven Reading Video Link:

Step Eleven Reading

November 2012 | Video Reading How It Works:

November 2012 | Video Reading Into Action :

November 2012 | Playlist All About Step Eleven:

Step Eleven Video Playlist

I do not speak for Alcoholics Anonymous I speak for myself. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of unique and authentic people who speak for themselves where they will to share experience, strength and hope about recovery on a daily basis. Anonymity affords sanctuary to find how to live sober and be open, honest and willing to learn life day by day. For me "truth," "love" and "wisdom" offer the best spiritual experience by living reality today. Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism are woven the Twelve Steps and the Traditions: steps to be open, honest and willing to learn, traditions to live unity, service and recovery.


Spiritual principles ~ Forgiveness Acceptance Surrender Faith Open-mindedness Honesty Willingness Moral-inventory Amends Humility Persistence Spiritual-growth Service


About Psychosis And Depression:

Psychosis And Depression